Jeep: Just Empty Every Pocket

[vertigo]

So, let me preface this by saying, I sell these for a living and as we all know: they're awesome! .......when they work.
In March I bought my 1994 Wrangler, with the turd 2.5. It was girl owned, and was lifted 2-1/2" inches on a SkyJacker lift, all done well. What really sold me was the 101k miles on the clock. The price was right, with enough meat on the bone for me to make a profit if I decided to sell it. Let the wallet emptying begin...
It started with mirror relocation brackets. I swear those $20 pieces of black steel that allow me to legally pull the doors off were all it took. With the doors off, I could really see how utterly half-assed this thing was. Shit. Dash speakers are blown, stereo reads "chk wiring", has a set of bunk 6x9's velcroed to the wheel wells. Yes, you read that correctly, FUCKING VELCROED! Did I mention the mismatched wiring to said 6x9's held together with wire nuts? One look under the dash showed a kaleidoscope of wire nuts behind the stereo. Awesome sauce! A trip to the parts store, and a junkyard followed that discovery, and now after $68, I have a used sound bar, butt connectors, and 4x6 dash speakers to make it a bit more livable. After a few hours of simultaneously fixing that trash pile, and shaking my head in disbelief, I just about get finished only to discover.....the antenna plug has broken and the radio was duct taped to the dash. Sweet Jesus, does the jackassery ever end?!? No. No it does fucking not.
I call Quadratec, who are the only game on the internet who make an adapter for my wrangler to have a stereo that doesn't flop around inside the dash, and promptly start waiting for it to arrive.
While waiting for that, my boss takes the tube bumper off his TJ, and offers it to me for $50 with KC Lights still attached. Why not? Fortunately, it's only 4 bolts, what could go wrong? Well, it's 4 T-55 Torx bolts that have been in place for 21 years! 4 hours later, the bumper looks cool, until I REALLY look at it. Fuck me, the 1990's called and they want their bumper back. The hell with it, it'll kill a deer until my dude builds me a winch bumper. (Still waiting....)
Then I decide a 50" LED light bar belongs above my windshield. Good call, Scott! Buy the $100 mounts, and get an off brand light bar that was juuuust a bit wide...

[vertigo]

After watching my buddy (who is waaaayyy too smart to work with me) struggle with how to take multiple brackets to get this light bar to fit, I decide to loosen the bracket mounting bolts, slide the bar in place, and snug it down.
Did I mention the Torx bolts? Like, the entire damned body uses them. And they're all painted. And soft, so they strip easily. Who knew the trick to get them out was valve grinding compound and an impact driver? Maybe I'm too smart to work with him? By the way, this job was done at the dealership on July 4th, and I was supposed to go meet my little family at my moms, three hours (in a normal car) away in Meigs County.
We thrash and get the wiring done, everything aligned, and off I go at 10pm to a place I've never been in a vehicle that formerly utilized wire nuts.
As I cruise down 32, I have the top and doors off, the stereo blaring some Mellencamp, and off in the distance I have fireworks bursting on either side of the highway. Have any of us ever felt so American? Especially me, since I grew up in a Cuban neighborhood and speak Spanish?

[draggin50]

Sounds like a good time!!! I hate touching anything after someone else has had their hands in it.

I bought a 98 Jeep Cherokee in 2007 with 193K miles on it for $1200. I still drive it today and it has 287K miles on it. Best thing I have ever bought! Ive put a few water pumps and alternators on but nothing real big. Id love to find another one with low miles and well kept. This one has seen better days but I beat on it ever time I drive it!

A/C compressor locked up about 18 miles from home one night and broke the belt. I drove that thing 15 miles hotter than hell till it just wouldn't run any more! Next morning I go back over with a new belt, A/C delete pulley and water. Fired right up and Ive put about 20K miles on it since then.

[draggin50]

And I forgot to mention, I put a new set of cheap Nexen Roadian tires on when I bought it. 91K miles later, wires hanging out, I finally changed them! The Explorer I just parted out had new tires on it or I still would be driving with those on it!!! I may have just had good luck with it, but Im happy!

[vertigo]

Hahahaha awesome! The saga continues.... This thing is made for adventure (or is it misadventure?).
My son is almost a year and a half old, and his favorite thing is to strap into a door less jeep and bebop around the back roads. Have I mentioned that my shocks seem to be garbage and my ride is as amazing as an empty dump truck? The kid loves it. So whenever Mr Wyler's goons decide I'm allowed to have family time, we usually take a few hours and burn some dead dinosaurs in my Jeep.
Recently we were in a position that we needed it in 4wd, and like everything else, it decided not to play nice with others. I'd love to lie and say we were riding through a creek bed and just having a blast, but in reality, I went way in the woods to take a giant pee. What? I'm a Polk County, FL redneck who lives in Brown County. Damn... I was able to get out of there, but decided to upgrade from the vacuum actuator (just like early XJ Cherokees) to a fail-proof cable system. And...like everything else I wrench on, proves to be anything but easy. The plans say 30 minutes or so to do this, so using calculus, I apply the Scott-Factor which uses compound multiplication to figure time. Currently we are at 12 days.
All goes well until it's time to pull the vacuum actuator off the front axle. 4 bolts hold it on, and yep! All four shear off. And....the shift fork is smarter than I am, so I ordered a new one. Still not here...

[smytty]

Sry to ninja the thread but what dealer are you at vertigo.
My wife is looking at the new unlimited wranglers.
Any advice on them

[vertigo]

I'll PM that, since I'm not a sponsor.

[k062693w]

I always thought it was
Junk
Each
Every
Piece

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[vertigo]

Just Everyone Else's Parts?

[vertigo]

So, fuck this thing. 10 minutes and I successfully removed three of the four broken bolts. Then next 9 hours were spent attempting (unsuccessfully) trying to remove the 4th. Are you kidding me? The ancient loctite and small remaining bolt are both immovable and ungrippable. Why do I buy old shit? Why do I try to work on it myself? I wonder how much smoke Wranglers produce when rolled outside and set on fire.

[k062693w]

Not much smoke, But they're great for roasting marshmallows !!!


That Sucks though ... I hope you can get it fixed ...

[vertigo]

At this point I'm so pissed and disgusted, I really don't give a damn. I'm so angry that this shit can't go in my favor one fucking time, I'm 99% sure I'd get a hard-on watching it burn. Not because I'm a pyro, but because I'll win.

[vertigo]

Update! So I'm stupid. Ok, not stupid, but I'm apparently like Dory from Finding Nemo. I'll explain: we are sitting at work last week, doing what Jeep salesmen do when it's slow and boring: we watch YouTube and read news on our übercool brand of awesomeness: Jeep! Guess what jeep.com has? A very cool sounding thing called Badge of Honor! No, Nerd Herd, it's not a first person shooter, but a real life thing where you check in from one of 44 trails throughout he US. Sign me up! Oh yeah, that requires me to get some off-road goodies! Spend money on fun stuff? I'm in!!! Got washable, easy to remove carpet, some awesome recovery gear, a CB, and oh yeah: a Diesel engine! Hell yeah!!!!
Cart before the horse? Bet your wrinkled stink pipes.
Wait, don't I still have a broken bolt in my front axle? Yes I do!
About that bolt.... Decided it wasn't going to come out any way besides drilling. 3 titanium bits later, I'm through. Normally, I'd think titanium beats mild steel every time. I'm no metallurgist, but I always thought titanium was harder. Apparently, the molecular structure of grade 8 bolts and red loctite beats titanium like rock beats scissors. Finally get to the point of re-tapping the hole, and guess what? The fucking tap broke in the damned hole. No joke, you read that correctly. I'll enunciate for those of us that read at a Larry the Cable Guy level: that danged spirally hole maker thingy done broked off in dat der hole.
Seriously? Did I mention the phone calls every 45 minutes asking me how long this was going to take?!? Can she not do math? Im pretty sure I've explained Scott-Factor mathematics before.
If I was back home, I could grab one of the neighborhood Latinos, and he could fix this fucker with 3 chiclets and a screwdriver. Boys, I hate this shit.

[k062693w]

^^^ Navy Ingenuity at Work !!! LMFAO