DSSKing68
01-11-2012, 02:07 PM
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has
> one , you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but
> 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. This was sent by a retired
> dentist.
>
>
> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months
> ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire
> city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric
> fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
>
> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made
> for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and
> drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with
> the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
>
> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big
> wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard.
> I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower
> around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the
> way.
>
> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>
> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right
> hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in
> mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a
> picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>
> Time stood still.
>
> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front
> side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time
> that Briggs &Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my
> head. I was literally at one with the engine.
>
> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower
> were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses..
>
> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg
> to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
> emptied 3
> different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind
> of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all
> leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It
> seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so
> close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy
> turning 8 grand.
>
> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding
> onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so
> I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric
> fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by
> International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda
> tickled.
>
> This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now
> accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river
> bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just
> man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>
> 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>
> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a
> loping
> run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it.
> Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God
> please die ..... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the
> rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore
> roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's
> right foot.
>
> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
> standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
> take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids to
> writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>
> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire....
>
> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside
> me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
>
> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and
> then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I
> was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a
> seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
>
> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few
> things:
>
> 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.
>
> 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt
> cheek (not the left, just the right).
>
> 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as
> bad as you might think.
>
> 4 - My left eye will not open.
>
> 5 - My right eye will not close.
>
> 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our
> little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because
> it was better than new after that.
>
> 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a
> foot long.
>
> 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking
> of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>
> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
> I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check
> to make
> sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>
> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence,
> I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and
> THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds
> me to triple check before I mow!
> one , you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but
> 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. This was sent by a retired
> dentist.
>
>
> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months
> ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire
> city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric
> fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
>
> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made
> for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and
> drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with
> the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
>
> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big
> wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard.
> I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower
> around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the
> way.
>
> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>
> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right
> hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in
> mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a
> picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>
> Time stood still.
>
> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front
> side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
> lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time
> that Briggs &Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my
> head. I was literally at one with the engine.
>
> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower
> were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses..
>
> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg
> to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
> emptied 3
> different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind
> of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all
> leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It
> seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so
> close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy
> turning 8 grand.
>
> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding
> onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so
> I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric
> fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by
> International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda
> tickled.
>
> This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now
> accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river
> bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just
> man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>
> 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>
> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a
> loping
> run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it.
> Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God
> please die ..... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the
> rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore
> roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's
> right foot.
>
> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
> standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
> take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids to
> writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>
> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire....
>
> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside
> me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
>
> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and
> then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I
> was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a
> seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
>
> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few
> things:
>
> 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.
>
> 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt
> cheek (not the left, just the right).
>
> 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as
> bad as you might think.
>
> 4 - My left eye will not open.
>
> 5 - My right eye will not close.
>
> 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our
> little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because
> it was better than new after that.
>
> 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a
> foot long.
>
> 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking
> of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>
> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
> I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check
> to make
> sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>
> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence,
> I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and
> THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds
> me to triple check before I mow!