Im kicking myself in the ass!

[USMCPONY]

I spent the end July til August 7th in Virginia beach. The night I returned UFC had one of their monthly pay perview fights. I decided to call a couple friends to see if they wanted to watch the fight at BW3's. I just bought a new phone and hadn't switched over my contacts yet. So of the numbers I did have I invited a couple friends out. I noticed the main person I wanted to invite wasn't in my phone. His name is Gene Stagnaro. He is my lawyer, my workout partner and my friend. So I searched my house for 45 minutes searching for my old phone so I could get his number. I couldn't find it anywhere. I said to myself screw it he is probly busy anyway. That night I went to the fight with the friends I invited and we had a really good time. We even talked about Gene and was going to call him from my friends phone but we thought it might be too late. The next morning I get a text from a girl I know from the gym that said, "call me ASAP". I called her and she told me they found Gene dead in his pool. Come to find out he had severe clinical depression. He took his own life Saturday night. The night I was going to invite him out. If I would of looked a little longer I might of been able to find his number and called him I might not be writing this now and I wouldn't of lost a good friend. I should of been able to prevent it but I didn't. I ask myself why couldn't I find my phone (i still haven't found it). Why didn't I put his number in my phone. It don't make sense. It's 430 am and I can't sleep because of this. Most of it probly don't make sense. I just needed to get it off my chest.

[Mista Bone]

Nope, makes perfect sense to me, but don't beat yourself up about it. It will only eat at you and do you no good. I know, I did the same thing.

2/17 is my BDay, was working 6 days a week while separated from wife so I had my son and was spending time with him. Sunday's I'd drop by mom and dads to BS and let my son play a bit with mamah and papah. I didn't make it that weekend.

Tuesday afternoon dad dropped from a massive heart attack, no idea how long he laid on the floor in a school boiler room until he was found and CPR was started. They did get his heart going...but he never came back. 2/21/96 mom and me gave the DNR and to let him go peacefully.

"what might have been...."

I'm not a highly religious person, but it seems some are called home before it's time. Know that they don't hurt anymore.

I still get "emo" in late Jan. to late Fed. In those 4-5 weeks we/I lost important people.
Pops Wakeling who became a father figure to me after mine passed on.
Vinny......2/7/07
my dad, 2/21/96

14 years later, I still hurts sometimes.

[Sloney50]

I heard about him passing as well..........Im so sorry for your loss and it's easy to say it's not your fault but I can see where your coming from........But in all actuality it goes much deeper than you not inviting him Sat. night. I hope your able to find peace and remember him as the good friend he was

[87stangbbb]

sorry about your loss but dont blame yourself. if he was depressed this is something he would have done later on down the road

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

You didn't make him depressed. You didn't cause him to take his own life. He had issues and it's his fault for not trying to get help. Don't put this shit on yourself like that...you're a good man for feeling like you could've helped but you can only help someone who wants help. Chances are good that if he was thinking about ending it that night, he wouldn't have answered if you did call.

[Stangman]

Worked with a guy once who told me a story of his friend killing himself... the guy I worked with used to be a truck driver years and years ago, and he was out of town... and the area he was in down in the valley didnt have signal, and his friend was depressed and needed someone to talk to, and tried to call him 40-something times one day. Once he came back into town, he tried to reach him after seeing he had a ton of missed calls and voicemails. Tried to contact his family who hadnt heard from him. Finally he went to his apartment which was locked, he could smell the smell from the outside. Cops were called, opened the apartment up to find that dude's friend shot himself in the head thru the bottom of the jaw. You can guess how the place looked.

The worst part of the story and the part I'll never forget is, once the police and coroner took the "majority" of is friend, he was left there to clean up the "small stuff" left behind. So he said the hardest part was throwing parts of your friend into a dumpster because nobody cared to clean the rest of it up. Also told me that no matter what anyone tells you, Blood does go around corners. A Horrible story, but just goes to show, sometimes things are out of your control.

[zlou363lx]

sorry about your loss but dont blame yourself. if he was depressed this is something he would have done later on down the road

i agree with that. you may have postponed it, but it wouldn't have necessarily stopped what he was thinking about doing.

i'm sorry for the loss of a good friend. i can only imagine what you're going through, thankfully for me. don't beat yourself up though...

my thoughts and prayers