Waffles
01-21-2010, 06:40 PM
...because I'm sick, and Michael Moore told me that's where I needed to go for health care since I have no insurance. I called my mom to say goodbye. She also has "no access to health care" so I know she'll understand. She suggested that maybe I should try my local doctors office first. Hmmm... that's just CRAZY! However, might just be crazy enough to work!
So I called a number out of the phonebook (online, but same thing). They were very polite (they must have assumed I was someone else) and scheduled my appointment. So far, the ruse was working! They had not yet identified me as one who has "no access to health care."
Then came that dreaded, damning question, "And do you have medical insurance for us to bill?" I knew it! Things were just going along much too smoothly. No matter, I was almost packed for Cuba anyway. I told them I didn't and to my surprise the voice responded, "That's no problem, the visit will cost $75 and we can bill you for that, but if you can pay today it'll be just $57."
TRICKERY!!! Who do they think they're dealing with? I watch the news! I've listened to the politicians tell me what REALLY goes on with these scumbags! I know better than to fall for their scam, and I'll just show them who they're dealing with! So, I set an appointment and went. My appointment was at 2:15, and by 2:20 I was in an examination room. They must have been anxious to get their laugh at me!
I have a sore throat/ear ache/etc but, I was about to pull a fast one on them. Yes, questions about other medical needs, specifically my migraines. I couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when I tried to squeeze other topics into one doctor's visit haha! So my plan was set, and my questions were ready. Of course, I'd have time to mull them over since the doctors were always slow getting to patience because of us interrupting their golf game. (I think that's why they hate us so much!)
Only about 5 minutes passed when the "doctor" came in, she was young and attractive. Will they stop at nothing? Do they have no shame? It seems like these tricksters will do anything to exact their revenge on the poor and unfortunate. They really spared no expense with this one. She even sounded like she was a real doctor. Very good medically sounding ad lib. For a moment, I imagined I was on the set of E.R.
Further confusing me, she had not sprung "the trap" yet, and seemed to be in no hurry to do so. The more this went on, the more I realized the degree of their dedication to defraud me, the patient. She actually seemed to be enjoying the torture, even smiling occasionally. Then, when I least expected it, she called me poor! Maybe I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was! She was looking in my ear with this very realistic (but probably made by Fischer Price) doctors light, and she said quite clearly, "You poor man, you've got an ear infection too." How insulting?! Why'd she have to go reminding me I was poor? Completely unnecessary!
She gave me a bunch of free drugs, called them "samples." I'm sure she's just trying to get me hooked, I remember when that happened to me in the 2nd grade. It's always free until you get the jitters, and that's when the price goes up. I didn't let her know I was onto her game, so I accepted the drugs. She also wrote me 4 prescriptions, for my migraine and my infections. I don't think she knew I was onto her yet, but I was quite sure these were written in disappearing ink. Later, the pharmacist and doctor would meet for drinks and laugh at the stories about me trying to pick up the "disappearing ink" prescriptions, I was sure.
On the way out, they asked if I wanted to be billed the $75, or pay the $57 before I left. Why not? Go for it. I'd already been called poor, not like I could sink any lower. So they took my bank card, ran it, and me sign the receipt... which oddly was for the same amount as she'd previously said: $57.
The disappearing ink joke was on them! I went straight to Wal-Mart before the ink disappeared! Of course, this was their last opportunity to spring on me. I knew it was coming. I gave them my prescriptions and asked for the cost. "$22," she said simply. NOW we're getting somewhere, $22 each for 4 prescriptions. So now we see a little more clearly how much this will really cost. It won't break the bank, but I'll certainly feel it. Either way, stay ahead of their joke! Just get the things filled and get outta there before they realize I'm onto them!
30 minutes wait.... this is how they catch up. Now is when someone calls someone else, they work out the details and then WHAM! They'll hit me with it. So after the 30 minutes go past, I go back to pick up my meds. They're ready, and they ring me up. $22. "I need all four prescriptions, can't I pay for them all together?" Hmmm, that was all four. $22.
So I'm home now. I've got my prescriptions. I'm $79 lighter in the pocketbook, and I still feel like shit! On top of that, I'm still nervous about when they might spring their trick on me! Maybe the trick is to give me anxiety issues so I have to go back in, pay more money, and get more drugs. Yeah, that's probably been the plan the whole time.
So I called a number out of the phonebook (online, but same thing). They were very polite (they must have assumed I was someone else) and scheduled my appointment. So far, the ruse was working! They had not yet identified me as one who has "no access to health care."
Then came that dreaded, damning question, "And do you have medical insurance for us to bill?" I knew it! Things were just going along much too smoothly. No matter, I was almost packed for Cuba anyway. I told them I didn't and to my surprise the voice responded, "That's no problem, the visit will cost $75 and we can bill you for that, but if you can pay today it'll be just $57."
TRICKERY!!! Who do they think they're dealing with? I watch the news! I've listened to the politicians tell me what REALLY goes on with these scumbags! I know better than to fall for their scam, and I'll just show them who they're dealing with! So, I set an appointment and went. My appointment was at 2:15, and by 2:20 I was in an examination room. They must have been anxious to get their laugh at me!
I have a sore throat/ear ache/etc but, I was about to pull a fast one on them. Yes, questions about other medical needs, specifically my migraines. I couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when I tried to squeeze other topics into one doctor's visit haha! So my plan was set, and my questions were ready. Of course, I'd have time to mull them over since the doctors were always slow getting to patience because of us interrupting their golf game. (I think that's why they hate us so much!)
Only about 5 minutes passed when the "doctor" came in, she was young and attractive. Will they stop at nothing? Do they have no shame? It seems like these tricksters will do anything to exact their revenge on the poor and unfortunate. They really spared no expense with this one. She even sounded like she was a real doctor. Very good medically sounding ad lib. For a moment, I imagined I was on the set of E.R.
Further confusing me, she had not sprung "the trap" yet, and seemed to be in no hurry to do so. The more this went on, the more I realized the degree of their dedication to defraud me, the patient. She actually seemed to be enjoying the torture, even smiling occasionally. Then, when I least expected it, she called me poor! Maybe I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was! She was looking in my ear with this very realistic (but probably made by Fischer Price) doctors light, and she said quite clearly, "You poor man, you've got an ear infection too." How insulting?! Why'd she have to go reminding me I was poor? Completely unnecessary!
She gave me a bunch of free drugs, called them "samples." I'm sure she's just trying to get me hooked, I remember when that happened to me in the 2nd grade. It's always free until you get the jitters, and that's when the price goes up. I didn't let her know I was onto her game, so I accepted the drugs. She also wrote me 4 prescriptions, for my migraine and my infections. I don't think she knew I was onto her yet, but I was quite sure these were written in disappearing ink. Later, the pharmacist and doctor would meet for drinks and laugh at the stories about me trying to pick up the "disappearing ink" prescriptions, I was sure.
On the way out, they asked if I wanted to be billed the $75, or pay the $57 before I left. Why not? Go for it. I'd already been called poor, not like I could sink any lower. So they took my bank card, ran it, and me sign the receipt... which oddly was for the same amount as she'd previously said: $57.
The disappearing ink joke was on them! I went straight to Wal-Mart before the ink disappeared! Of course, this was their last opportunity to spring on me. I knew it was coming. I gave them my prescriptions and asked for the cost. "$22," she said simply. NOW we're getting somewhere, $22 each for 4 prescriptions. So now we see a little more clearly how much this will really cost. It won't break the bank, but I'll certainly feel it. Either way, stay ahead of their joke! Just get the things filled and get outta there before they realize I'm onto them!
30 minutes wait.... this is how they catch up. Now is when someone calls someone else, they work out the details and then WHAM! They'll hit me with it. So after the 30 minutes go past, I go back to pick up my meds. They're ready, and they ring me up. $22. "I need all four prescriptions, can't I pay for them all together?" Hmmm, that was all four. $22.
So I'm home now. I've got my prescriptions. I'm $79 lighter in the pocketbook, and I still feel like shit! On top of that, I'm still nervous about when they might spring their trick on me! Maybe the trick is to give me anxiety issues so I have to go back in, pay more money, and get more drugs. Yeah, that's probably been the plan the whole time.