high maintenance teenage daughters...rrrrrrrr

[myownr]

many here don't know me but i have a 17 year old daughter and 18 year old son. My son has been doing pretty good so far but my daughter is driving me up a wall. over 2 years ago she talked me into letting her stay with my brothers family so she could attend another school with her friends, apparently she had more there than at my local school? She wasn't exactly up to par in following directions with them so they pretty much told her to come home. this is where I think I fucked up. I should have just told her to come back home (forcing her to live by my standards) and go back to my school district but instead was talked into doing otherwise. She talked my folks into letting her stay with them so she could remain in school with her friends. Now she has become the little bitch like her mom, my ex wife. You can't possiblty do anything to please her and she keeps throwing back good gestures in my face when I try to do something nice. You always want to provide for your children but she has been impossible. She is so damn worried about what her friends think that she wants buy everything she needs by herself. Now this may seem good but she only works part time at frisch's and still goes to school. she is spending money that she doesn't have. she said she needed a winter coat so tonight I buy her a ski jacket to suprise her with. Unfortunately she was afraid what her friends will think of it to wear it. Then she started with other excuses like it won't fit in my locker and the color white will get dirty all the time. I go out of my way to do something I am proud of, to provide and she throws it back at me like some 2nd hand coat. I am frustrated and pissed off the way she acts like money grows on trees. thanks for listening, now it's time for another round.

[ponymom05]

Sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. Not knowing either of you, I am only guessing, but it sounds like she has been raised to get whatever she wants and you're probably not going to change this now. Stop beating your head against the wall trying to do extra nice for her. She won't appreciate it anyway. At her age and based on what you are saying about her need to get approval from her friends, if she needs a coat, set a dollar limit you'll spend and then take her with you and let her pick it out. If she wants to spend more, she can cough it up.

With any luck she'll grow up and learn to appreciate you and others that have done for her. This could take a while. In the meantime, stop trying so hard. Step back and take a good look at yourself and see what you have done to enable this behavior. If you start changing your habits now, hopefully when she is an adult, she will change hers as well. I know this can be very hard on the whole family. I have a 30 year old step-daughter who has never changed her ways and still thinks we the world owes her. But on a good note, I have 2 wonderful young adults of my own who watched her tear the family apart and NEVER want to be like her. You win some and lose some. Good luck and keep your patience!

[MrsAPE]

Gotta agree with Ponymom. Great advice. Stop beating your head against the wall. For your own sake. Good luck.

[Maximus]

Sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. Not knowing either of you, I am only guessing, but it sounds like she has been raised to get whatever she wants and you're probably not going to change this now. Stop beating your head against the wall trying to do extra nice for her. She won't appreciate it anyway. At her age and based on what you are saying about her need to get approval from her friends, if she needs a coat, set a dollar limit you'll spend and then take her with you and let her pick it out. If she wants to spend more, she can cough it up.

With any luck she'll grow up and learn to appreciate you and others that have done for her. This could take a while. In the meantime, stop trying so hard. Step back and take a good look at yourself and see what you have done to enable this behavior. If you start changing your habits now, hopefully when she is an adult, she will change hers as well. I know this can be very hard on the whole family. I have a 30 year old step-daughter who has never changed her ways and still thinks we the world owes her. But on a good note, I have 2 wonderful young adults of my own who watched her tear the family apart and NEVER want to be like her. You win some and lose some. Good luck and keep your patience!

You have to change your signature now. That sounds like some sound advice.:bigthumb

[jccox77]

:agree:

[e5shea]

You hate to give up, but at that age they are impossible to please. Its simply too late to begin the beatings. Sometimes you just have to put feelings to the side and say "your effin' idiot" leave it at that, and hope she grows up. The sweet, tactful, fatherly approach is apparently ineffective.

[PonymanfiveO]

Take the coat back, buy a ball of yarn and tell her to knit her own. :lol:

Good luck Rob.

btw, tell your damn lil brother to call me sometime. :D

[jccox77]

And tell her to buy her own book to learn how to knit

[2-8-1]

Meh, all teenagers go through that stage to one extent or the other. It will pass.

[Mustard]

She sounds a lot like my sister when she was at hat age. Really, at her age now of 28 she is still the same way. I think a little tough love is the best medicine with teenagers.

[sdavis2702]

I am only 24 with no kids so I have no clue how to help you. I feel for you though. I was just 17/18 not too long ago and I really hated people that acted like that. My mom raised me and my 3 brothers and we were terrified of her. Not because she would rough us up, but because she was flat out the authority. Whenever I saw someone treating their parents that way, it always confused me. I don't know man. Hope it passes soon.

[Steves LX]

Yeah I have a 19 y/o son that use to be that way but he is slowly growing up now. I use to tell him if he is so damn concerned about his friends and what they will think then move the hell out of here and go live with them and you will have there opinion first hand all the time. Hell I even packed his shit for him the one day and locked his ass out all night. The next day I got an apology from him and he changed his ways real quick when he figured out I wasn't playing his childish games anymore. I think 90% of kids nowdays need nothing more than a good old fashion ass beating. There's too many of them now that know how the system works and will take advantage of it as far as possible.

[PONYGRL]

Sounds like you're fighting a losing battle. Not knowing either of you, I am only guessing, but it sounds like she has been raised to get whatever she wants and you're probably not going to change this now. Stop beating your head against the wall trying to do extra nice for her. She won't appreciate it anyway. At her age and based on what you are saying about her need to get approval from her friends, if she needs a coat, set a dollar limit you'll spend and then take her with you and let her pick it out. If she wants to spend more, she can cough it up.

With any luck she'll grow up and learn to appreciate you and others that have done for her. This could take a while. In the meantime, stop trying so hard. Step back and take a good look at yourself and see what you have done to enable this behavior. If you start changing your habits now, hopefully when she is an adult, she will change hers as well. I know this can be very hard on the whole family. I have a 30 year old step-daughter who has never changed her ways and still thinks we the world owes her. But on a good note, I have 2 wonderful young adults of my own who watched her tear the family apart and NEVER want to be like her. You win some and lose some. Good luck and keep your patience!


Agreed.

Idk if I have any useful info to provide or not.... but, obviously she is ungrateful. I used to be the same way when I was younger and got everything I wanted. But at the same time, all throughout middle school and high school, my parents never let me do anything I wanted. I was always the sheltered one (and the only one) who had to be home at 10 or 11PM as a senior in high school on a Saturday night... It was pathetic. From when I turned 16 forward I went to school (never skipped) and had a job that I worked around 30 hours a week at, if not more. Not much partying, staying out all night, nothing. Every now and then, though, I would go to the club and go straight home afterwards.

Maybe reality will hit her like it did me, but in a different way of course. I have been moved out for a yr and a half now and am still in school, have a new car and a condo, and just got engaged. Now that I am "free" and can do anything I please, I choose not to... I do nothing but work and go to school and try to afford everything. I don't buy anything unless I absolutely have to and am trying to set my life up so I have a good future. Cars are about the only thing/hobby I spend money on. If I don't "need" something, I try not to buy it. No more shopping at the mall and eating out all the time- I have bills to pay now, and have also realized I would rather save my money to buy car parts vs. some stupid Hollister jacket.

If I were a parent and tried to the best I could, and did stuff like you mentioned to show her you cared, I would not put forth any more effort because it seems unappreciated. She doesn't seem irresponsible I guess, but maybe reality will hit her. It is nothing like high school once you graduate... I have discovered no one cares what you wear anymore, who you hang out with, or what kind of car you drive. In college, no one could care less if you go to class or not because they will just fail you without a care in the world... and that is what everything else in life is like too.

Hopefully she realizes how good she has it and it doesn't take something negative/traumatic for her to come to that realization. My .02.

[Mista Bone]

I'm thankful my son turned out pretty damn good so far, considering due to divorce/seperation I wasn't around daily after his 4th birthday.

19, no college yet but he wants to thru his employer, Krogers. He made Asst. Manager of Produce about two months ago, making $16 an hour and his GF/fiance also works 32-40 hours a week.

[1badFn5.0]

find her a rich bf lol .........

[cobrajoe]

wow! I got to the ski jacket part and had to write something, I'll revisit when I have more time. But damn does that chick realize what sh*t cost? My ski jacket was over 4 large and that was several years ago. I'm sure you did'nt get her a crap no name jacket so I'm guessing you at least dropped a hun or so!

[thecollector]

Yeah I have a 19 y/o son that use to be that way but he is slowly growing up now. I use to tell him if he is so damn concerned about his friends and what they will think then move the hell out of here and go live with them and you will have there opinion first hand all the time. Hell I even packed his shit for him the one day and locked his ass out all night. The next day I got an apology from him and he changed his ways real quick when he figured out I wasn't playing his childish games anymore. I think 90% of kids nowdays need nothing more than a good old fashion ass beating. There's too many of them now that know how the system works and will take advantage of it as far as possible.

I completely agree.
When I was in high school I would estimate that a good 25% of the student body needed a good ASS beating by their parents. That was years ago so I can only imagine what that percentage has swelled to now. Most kids came out of that phase but some never will. Im not saying you should rough her up but it's up to you if she stays in that mindset forever or see's the light. After her facilitaters are gone the rest of the world wont give a damn how much she feels she is owed.

Good luck.

[myownr]

Well the good news is that I took her with me to take the jacket back. She did end up picking another color but at least it's a real coat that would keep her ass warm. It just made me po'd when she wanted some skimpy coat because it was what other girls had. i was tired of hearing she was cold walking to the bus stop but then picked out something thinner than a damn sweater. Thanks to all for listening to me rant, hopefully not again with her as the subject

[NUTTSGT]

It's hard man real hard. We've been there with our oldest. Basically she was booted out, lost her (ours) vehicle, cell phone and moved in with the wifes sister. She learned that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She's back home with a alot better attitude.

Something to keep in mind, we did this as did some of our friends with teens, don't tell them when they are 18 they can do want they want.( you know the old "when you're 18" speech) We did this and I think it compounded our problem.