Black Horse
10-30-2008, 02:10 PM
Notice to All Employees
As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially
elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies
which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change
and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into
a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you.
This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a
"fair shake."
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including
overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst
yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime"
to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can
work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the
government." We will not participate in this "pooling"
experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees
every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard
"for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies
because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have
underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who
have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their
desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give
you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your
home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for
as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you
appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a
free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all
Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially
elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies
which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change
and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into
a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you.
This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a
"fair shake."
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including
overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst
yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime"
to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can
work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the
government." We will not participate in this "pooling"
experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees
every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard
"for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies
because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have
underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who
have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their
desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give
you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your
home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for
as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you
appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a
free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all
Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!