Needing a Woman's Perspective (dudes too)

[Sparky]

I'm not one for drama, or airing out my dirty laundry. However I feel there's a certain level anonymity on here, considering I'm fairly unknown to what I would assume 99% of the regulars of this board. Nonetheless, I consider you all friends. Anyway, heres a little background to my story to help put it into context....

If anyone remembers a thread a few years back,about a little competition where a few of the guys registered on personals sites to see how many dates they could score. Well, I wasn't part of that,but I tried it out on my own anyway. And I found one. And boy do I wish I didn't.

I "met" her during January 2005. On the 29th of that month, we had our first date. She was nice,attractive, and seemed very interested in all the details of my life. I'm somewhat of a dark,introverted person. Anti-social to an extent if you will. We won't get into why , I'm not crazy or a creep or anything,I was just brought up differently. This intrigued her to no end, as if she was feeding off of it. To be honest it was a bit of a red flag for me from the get go,I was skeptical. However it was a good change of pace to have a female interested in me. As embarrassing as this is ,I had never had a girlfriend,ever. And I do mean ever. I'll be 30 this December and she is also the last.

We date steadily for the next month and a half, seeing each other once every Saturday for dinner and a movie. During that time things become serious,things get physical, the L word gets dropped a lot. She sent me a text message one time simply spelling out her full name,but with my last name in the place of hers. It scared the crap out of me. Looking back, she didn't really know me and all I wanted was time to get to know her. She kept joking about asking me to marry her(but she was really serious). I started being quiet and she got insecure and constantly wanted to know what I was thinking about all the time. She would call me for no reason and would have nothing to say, so she would get upset and cry about it all night.(at least thats what she told me.) She was very good at making me apologize for things that I didn't even do. Things moved way too fast and and before I knew it, she dumped me.
It took until a month later to realize she had dumped me, because we still talked, we just didn't see each other. It seemed that certain circumstances made her conveniently unavailable. So, unknowingly,I chased her. And it only fueled the fire.

She really kept me in knots for the next year, because I was new at this. The way my mind works, I try to analyze how things happened and could never get a straight answer. I would give up and tell her to leave me alone. She would for a month or two and come back stir things up. This has gone over three years now. The only difference is the time between her coming back has stretched to 6-8 month increments. She always initiates, I simply and politely tell her I'm not interested anymore. She turns it back around on me and the cycle continues. She just started again last week. Each time I reply with this long, sincere,heartfelt email about how I wish her well but she needs to move on,because I have. She says that I was the only man she was ever truly in love with, so shes gonna keep trying no matter what I say, more or less. WTF?


So here's my dilemma. How do you get rid of a Succubus? We have nothing but bad stuff in common, that doesn't attract me. She wants to be consumed by me,wants all my attention.Expects me to devote all my time and energy to taking care of her. She's insecure, has a constant need for validation. Won't let go of the past. You have to censor yourself because she will take a word that can have many meanings, but always assumes your saying something derogatory about her. I could go on and on. Trust me, this is the shorthand version of this problem. I just don't know what to do short of a court order. She says she just wants to be friends now, but I know that's impossible.

I mean c'mon....3 years? I do fine until she comes around again. I just don't have any female members of my family or friends that I know are capable of helping me. I've just noticed there seem to be a lot of women on here that have a good head on their shoulders. I hope this all makes sense to you guys. I feel like a real loser.:tard:: Am I?

[ponymom05]

Stop replying when she contacts you. Nothing says you have to shoot off a text each time. Especially long, heart felt ones. No explanations needed. If she continues, get a new number.

[Sparky]

Yeah, thats an easy enough answer. I kinda knew that already. Gawd damn I swear I'm never drinking again. Moderators please delete this thread. This is embarrassing

[PonymanfiveO]

you spell good when drunk Isaac. :lol:

[Black92LX]

If anyone remembers a thread a few years back,about a little competition where a few of the guys registered on personals sites to see how many dates they could score.
That was good stuff. I don't believe either of us got a date in the competition, but I am pretty sure he's married now and I am getting married in less than a month so I guess it tuned out OK.:lol:
Speaking of Higgy I haven't seen him post on here in awhile.

As for advice for you. Cut and Run!! There are plenty more out there.
Don't reply back it only will make things worse.

[MADMOD]

Tell her you are gay. Better yet tell her she is the one who turned you gay. If that doesn't do it I don't know what will.


All Kidding aside, Like PonyMom said just cut her loose and DO NOT reply/talk to her in any way. Trust me I know it is easier said than done...Good Luck

[347sc]

Simple a change of numbers and a restraining order usually works for me. Actually had to do that one time.
But as far as women driving you nuts, it will always happen to some extent but its how you handle it that makes easy or hard. Move on to the next and learn from the last.

[may93]

I think she just likes the drama of it all. Ignore her completely and becareful with getting a restraining order if its not absolutely needed. You might piss her off and then she'll be out to get even and thats just more drama she can feed off of. Tell her politely your not interested anymore, wish her good luck in life, and that she's a wonderful person and all that kind of crap so that you leave on a good note and then completely ignore any and all kind of contact with her. Who ever made the ole saying "hell knows no fury like a woman scourned" was 100% correct.

:screwy:

[92StangMan]

How attractive is she and was she good in the sack? Nevermind good as long as she is easy. If so I'll do you a favor. I will be moving in 5 weeks so as a fellow SBZ, I will hang out with her, bang her on the side and have my fun, then move.

She will be pissed at me and you will have been forgotten. Deal?

[Sparky]

LOL no she sucked. But you can have her, she's all yours. You want her number?

[92StangMan]

Sure!

My philosophy is: bad sex = sex = good sex.

[Waffles]

I'm not one for drama, or airing out my dirty laundry. However I feel there's a certain level anonymity on here, considering I'm fairly unknown to what I would assume 99% of the regulars of this board. Nonetheless, I consider you all friends. Anyway, heres a little background to my story to help put it into context....

If anyone remembers a thread a few years back,about a little competition where a few of the guys registered on personals sites to see how many dates they could score. Well, I wasn't part of that,but I tried it out on my own anyway. And I found one. And boy do I wish I didn't.

I "met" her during January 2005. On the 29th of that month, we had our first date. She was nice,attractive, and seemed very interested in all the details of my life. I'm somewhat of a dark,introverted person. Anti-social to an extent if you will. We won't get into why , I'm not crazy or a creep or anything,I was just brought up differently. This intrigued her to no end, as if she was feeding off of it. To be honest it was a bit of a red flag for me from the get go,I was skeptical. However it was a good change of pace to have a female interested in me. As embarrassing as this is ,I had never had a girlfriend,ever. And I do mean ever. I'll be 30 this December and she is also the last.

We date steadily for the next month and a half, seeing each other once every Saturday for dinner and a movie. During that time things become serious,things get physical, the L word gets dropped a lot. She sent me a text message one time simply spelling out her full name,but with my last name in the place of hers. It scared the crap out of me. Looking back, she didn't really know me and all I wanted was time to get to know her. She kept joking about asking me to marry her(but she was really serious). I started being quiet and she got insecure and constantly wanted to know what I was thinking about all the time. She would call me for no reason and would have nothing to say, so she would get upset and cry about it all night.(at least thats what she told me.) She was very good at making me apologize for things that I didn't even do. Things moved way too fast and and before I knew it, she dumped me.
It took until a month later to realize she had dumped me, because we still talked, we just didn't see each other. It seemed that certain circumstances made her conveniently unavailable. So, unknowingly,I chased her. And it only fueled the fire.

She really kept me in knots for the next year, because I was new at this. The way my mind works, I try to analyze how things happened and could never get a straight answer. I would give up and tell her to leave me alone. She would for a month or two and come back stir things up. This has gone over three years now. The only difference is the time between her coming back has stretched to 6-8 month increments. She always initiates, I simply and politely tell her I'm not interested anymore. She turns it back around on me and the cycle continues. She just started again last week. Each time I reply with this long, sincere,heartfelt email about how I wish her well but she needs to move on,because I have. She says that I was the only man she was ever truly in love with, so shes gonna keep trying no matter what I say, more or less. WTF?


So here's my dilemma. How do you get rid of a Succubus? We have nothing but bad stuff in common, that doesn't attract me. She wants to be consumed by me,wants all my attention.Expects me to devote all my time and energy to taking care of her. She's insecure, has a constant need for validation. Won't let go of the past. You have to censor yourself because she will take a word that can have many meanings, but always assumes your saying something derogatory about her. I could go on and on. Trust me, this is the shorthand version of this problem. I just don't know what to do short of a court order. She says she just wants to be friends now, but I know that's impossible.

I mean c'mon....3 years? I do fine until she comes around again. I just don't have any female members of my family or friends that I know are capable of helping me. I've just noticed there seem to be a lot of women on here that have a good head on their shoulders. I hope this all makes sense to you guys. I feel like a real loser.:tard:: Am I?

Wow, you just described women in general! :lol: The previous advice about not responding is correct. Do not respond, at all. You can't respond sometimes, and not others... that'll be interpretted as playing hard to get. No more heart felt anythings. If you do talk to her again, ask her what makes her so behave so pathetically that she's willing to chase a man that would rather be alone than with her. Don't listen to anything she has to say. Wait for her to start talking, then say, "You know what? I must apologize for even asking because I don't really even care to know the answer." Wish her luck in therapy and hang up. Never answer again. Be VERY careful though, getting rid of a woman, and getting her to chase you, require very nearly the same technique.

[MsBlkramair]

sounds to me like you KNOWS you will always be a fall-back guy. whenever she gets dumped, or dumps someone else, she knows that you will always be there to make her feel good about herself again. a quick lay, or a free dinner and a lot of BFF phone coverstations and she is ready to get back out there and find someone again (hence the absence for awhile). She knows that you are an easy target, since she is the only woman you have EVER been with......you are suckered into her mind trip. You need to get F#@k outta dodge dude! If you ever happen to find someone else, she will always be there to screw it up for you. She is probably making sure that although you may not be with her, you are also not with anyone else. She will damn sure make that a priority in her life. Get out. Get out now! Change your numbers, move if you can, change job lociations, whatever you gotta do to get this psycho off your hands.

[Sparky]

Actually, I've turned her down many times when I could have easily gone over for a cheap thrill.On a side note, me saying how things got physical was nothing more than a lot of heavy petting. I had only been with her once, and that was a mistake. But, I always shoot her down. I appreciate all the replies and I agree with it all. Hell, I've known what to do for a long time. My problem is I have a bad habit of second guessing myself. I've had my doubts about whether or not it was me and I just don't know how do deal with women. That's why I was wanting an unbiased woman's opinion. You ladies tend to speak a different language sometimes lol. Plus, there is a part of me that is afraid she might do something to hurt herself if I were too harsh. Yes, she is that sensitive and that unstable.

Having said that, I thank everyone for the positive replies. It makes me feel a lot better. I had a long weekend of pacing the apartment and late night self medication. I woke up this morning, popped up out of bed thinking to myself " OH,SHIT! what did I just post on the internet?!! These guys are gonna have a field day with this" I was sweatin' it all day. At the time ,and especially after damn near a 12 pack, it sounded like a good idea. Turns out it doesn't affect my typing skills so much...weird. I bet I could be an astronaut LOL how YOU doin?

[Waffles]

Plus, there is a part of me that is afraid she might do something to hurt herself if I were too harsh. Yes, she is that sensitive and that unstable.

My friend, she's just that manipulative.

[Rick93coupe]

My friend, she's just that manipulative.

Amen, been there, dated that. Thank God she's now someone else's problem.

[firestang70]

Ever met any of her friends? Go out with a couple of them. If that intrigues, maybe she is worth another try! LOL

[Sparky]

I had every intention of letting this thread disappear , but I have to share this one last thing. I came home tonight to see another new email from her,titled "Maybe I'm Crazy?"
I was feeling good all week until I read that. Now I have that punched in the gut feeling.
I'm blocking her address now. If she calls, I'm gonna have to change my number. That sucks, I've had this number for 7 years. At least she doesn't know where I live. Anyway, here's the message in its entirety.


" I had a nightmare last night... more like a night terror... I woke up and my entire body was shaking...

In it, you were trying to hurt me... trying really, really hard to hurt me.

But I know, in my heart of hearts, you'd never intentionally try to hurt me.

And when you say that you don't hate me... I know that you don't.

I think that you love me."



Now cue the psycho music *reek! reek!reek!reek!reek!reek!*

[Black Horse]

Call her phone, when her answering machine picks up rev your chain saw a couple of times......

[Rick93coupe]

Wow, she really is crazy. Only crazy girls think that not calling them or answering their calls means that you love them. Save that email for future reference just in case. There may come a time when you'll need to show it to someone. I wouldn't ever talk to her again!

[PonymanfiveO]

Now cue the psycho music *reek! reek!reek!reek!reek!reek!*


:lol: :lol: :lol:

thats awesome. :D

[mustangjon]

Wow, she really is crazy. Only crazy girls think that not calling them or answering their calls means that you love them. Save that email for future reference just in case. There may come a time when you'll need to show it to someone. I wouldn't ever talk to her again!

evidence for her murder of you trial :bounce:

[Waffles]

Wow... she's a seriously typical woman.

[Rabnud]

You need to change your email addy and phone numbers now... hopefully, your not listed in the phone book...

[94tchikinv8]

Call her phone, when her answering machine picks up rev your chain saw a couple of times......

That's funny right there, I don't care who you are...LMAO

-Rob

[VuNiT3]

Wow... she's a seriously typical woman.

Hey now.....

[Holly]

Wow... she's a seriously typical woman.

Watch it Chris! We could easily say things about "typical men" - don't you know women are what make the world go around. :D

Every guy (and gal) goes through a few bad ones before they find "the one". ;)

[winner70ta]

My friend, cut and run! If you must speak with her again, tell her that you are done with her, tell her good-bye and wish her a nice life. Period. Hang-up, walk-run away from her and let it be.
When I got divorced at 35, I had been somewhat like you and got hazed by some of my relatives for marrying the first piece of ass that I ever had. Yeah, not too poetic there but they were on my case. It was how I was raised, what I believed and my family was what mattered. Unfortunately she did not have those same opinions but I digress. In the next couple of years existing in the dating world was a very eye opening experience. Women are definitely not all the same (whatever context you want to interpret) but I had definitely dated some "unstable" individuals along the way until I found my current wife. Don't cut yourself out of the dating world but if you want to find someone to be serious with then there is an old saying which rings true: Date women that your good friends or family want you to meet. They know you and recognize other people that you would get along with. Women who go to church are pretty safe too and they definitely have a fun side.

Hey, since you are in Urbana and are around 30 do you happen to know Tom Mills?