I am in a bad situation

[SlowRS]

First of all, I need serious reply's only. The situation is bad enough as it is that I dont need people poking fun. Oh, sorry for the long post

I will be married 8 years in june. Anyway, I am working as a regional OTR truck driver right now, making good money. I am out for 6 days then home for 2.5 days. I pretty much only go to the states bordering ohio. I have been doing this for a year and a half now. For about the fist year, my wife seemed ok with it, we had our spats here and there, but for the most part it was ok, or so I thought. I made the mistake of promising her that I would only be driving a year OTR then I would find something local. Well, I have been unable to find anything local. We got in fight so bad last night that we almost called it quits. THese arguements are coming more and more frequently now. I love my job, only hate the not seing the family much. I told that I am willing to go back to my old job, but I am gonna have to pick up a second full time job to make ends meet. I am afraid that is gonna put us in the same situation as we are now, now seeing each other. My son is going to be 6 in april, and yeah he misses me, but he understands why I work. My wife is pregnant and due on may 5th. I dont want to end up divorced, but I feel I owe it to my kids to make sure that they have a roof over their head, food in their stomachs, and clothes on their back. I am scared to death that if I leave my current job, that we will not make ends meet. I love my wife more than anything, but it is really hard when she is always crying saying how alone she is. She says she feels like a single mom, and that kills me. I cant just up and quit my job, but it seems that is what she wants me to do. I am so confused right now that I think my head is gonna explode. I love my job, but I love my wife more. If I keep working to support my kids, then I will prolly lose my wife. If I quit, we will prolly lose our car, apartment, everything. I dont know what to do. I was raised by my mom, and she worked 80 hrs a week to support her kids, and I didnt see her much. It didnt bother me because I knew she was doing what she had to. My wife was raised with everything given to her. I dont know if that plays a part or not. I need help, and dont know what to do.

[Hangingcogs]

I hear this situation everday. I hire for 20+ companies and talk to OTR drivers everyday.

The thing you need to ask yourself is what's more important? Having a steady and stable income for your family or seeing your family. If you take a local driving position you will take a $300-$400 or more a week pay cut. If you are driving for the right company now you should not have a problem making $1000 a week.

I will keep you in mind for a local position. Things should start opening back up in the next month or so for those positions. In the mean time try contact R&L Carriers and see if they have any openings up to pull doubles. That would get you home every night.

Good Luck to you!

[brncoupe5.0]

My opinion is ,Start looking for a different job something where your home more.And obviously you love your wife and your kids,To me happiness and family is way more important then any job or money.Good luck.

[Xuzhu]

This may or may not help, but I've been hearing commercials on the radio that Castellini Company is seeking drivers. (won't swear but think it's local routes) Might be worth checking out, best of luck!

[PKFIRE]

I'm sorry bud, Are you the only one working? Do you have family that lives near by? Can your wife work part time anywhere? I really hope your wife knows how you feel. I feel bad just spending my work week doing school work and not giving my wife the attention she needs. I see you have a kid and another one on its way. I know you want to be there for your wife and believe me as I child my mom was working overtime to make sure my family and I always had a roof over our heads. I felt like I didn't know her as well I wanted to back then but now I know how very amazing of person she is. I realize how much she had to sacrifice to make us safe and secure. My father after his heart attacks ended up staying at home to raise us when we were little but unfortunately they didn't stay together which was a bit hard on me.

Your best bet in my opinion is be straight forward with her in an understanding way. Let her know how you feel (comunication+understanding on both sides). Keep looking for jobs and see if you can reduce spending any so maybe you'll able to take a paycut. Life is not fair sometimes. It will beat you down but you have to stay strong and do the right thing.

[Kid_Money]

If it was me, I would worry about the kids first.. You have to have money to live, and quiting your job is only gonna add to your problems, not solve anything. You seem to have a good job, and right now those are hard to find. I hope everything works out well for you, best of luck to you...

[Katmandu]

An old AF buddy of mine drives tanker trucks out of Ashland, KY. I just Emailed him to see if he could give you some help finding a regional job in the Cincy area.

Hang in there. :cool2:

[SlowRS]

The problem is now she is saying the only reason she is still here is because of the kids. I just dont know what to do.

[Sharad]

First, find out if she's willing to work on the marriage. If she married you in the first place, then there must have been a spark. Rekindle the flame! It's best for you and for the kids.

Then, if she's willing to do her part (in the relationship) get a different job immediately. Better to live in a trailer but be happy together as a family, than to have to work overtime to pay child support and alimony.

[Black Horse]

You might want to consider a Marriage counsellor or go see your Pastor/Priest. Sometimes a 3rd party mediating your discussion can help you both find the solutions you need.

[cin_mustang]

I am in the same situation as your wife. My hubby owns a junkyard, works on odd jobs in the garage and also works a 2nd shift job. I quit my job to care for our middle son who is autistic and 3 years old and I also have a 8month old and a 7 year old. I often feel alone and like a single mom. I say it all the time. My hubby tries to make the time we can spend together special. We try to unload at least a couple of kids and go out once in while. I know it's tough for the both of you but you should be respected for doing your best to make ends meet. It's hard when she is pregnant since preggo women tend to need constant support and reassurance. I can tell your doing your best and try to make sure she knows it without sounding resentful. Try to plan a special evening so that you can talk things over and try to spend some quality time together. Talking is what most of us women need. Just to know that your available when she needs you.

[RIXXX93GT]

Thats good advice Cindy. Its all about communication. Sounds like you may have more than just the job issue. It would suck to have you quit a great job you love thinking its what is necessary just to find out it wasnt the job at all. When money is tight it causes things to rise to the surface also. I hope you can get any help you need and you both make it through okay.

[SlowRS]

Well, she had what only I can describe as a breakdown. I came a home few days early and she wants to go see a therapist. She says its not just me being gone, but that she doesnt know what it is. She has not been able to be on her medication since she got pregant, so that is also a problem.

I have decided to go back to my other job, atleast until she can can get back on her meds. Things will work out, it has just been a rough few days.

[Sharad]

well, that sounds like good news. I mean, I know it's actually a mess, but sometimes things have to fall to pieces before you can really start building it back up.

Sounds like you have a real chance to work through all of this as a family. God willing, you'll come out of this stronger than ever!

[SlowRS]

I have a line on a job that is not quite local, but I will be home on weekends, and some through the week. I will still be driving, so that is good to.

[Greg Seibert]

God Speed SlowRS to you and your Family.
I remember back in the seventies, everything seemed like gloom and doom in my life, but somehow it all worked out with time.
I had breaks waiting just around the corner that I never could have imagined. You will too.
Now, with the warm weather just around the corner, things such as cabin fever and being stuck inside will soon come to an end, and your Wife will have the new baby to keep her occupied. It's not good to think about things, or dwell too much.
Stop in here regularly, let us know how it's going, and please try to make some Events with us and just talk.
It's the little things that will lift your spirts!

[NXcoupe]

I love my wife more than anything, but it is really hard when she is always crying saying how alone she is. She says she feels like a single mom, and that kills me. I love my job, but I love my wife more.

I think you already answered your own question here. A wise friend once told me to be happy with life and adjust your lifestyle to compensate for a job's income that makes you happy. Having a job you love but losing your wife and family doesn't make for happiness in your life. There are other jobs you can love that make decent money, but you have one family right now, they are the most important. I am a divorced dad that sees my daughter for 5 days a month(2 weekends and every wednesday for 6 hours), which sucks. Think about that before you make up your mind. I think it is the right thing to do, quitting and going to your old job until she gets back into the swing of things. Good luck and God bless.

[bestracing]

I think you already answered your own question here. A wise friend once told me to be happy with life and adjust your lifestyle to compensate for a job's income that makes you happy. Having a job you love but losing your wife and family doesn't make for happiness in your life. There are other jobs you can love that make decent money, but you have one family right now, they are the most important. I am a divorced dad that sees my daughter for 5 days a month(2 weekends and every wednesday for 6 hours), which sucks. Think about that before you make up your mind. I think it is the right thing to do, quitting and going to your old job until she gets back into the swing of things. Good luck and God bless.

:agree:


Jason, I'm sorry to hear this but it seems like you are working towards a good end. Back in 95 I left a good paying job because I was working 50-65 hours a week and never got the chance to really be with my child. When your 1 year old treats you like a stranger, that really tears your heart out. My family life was more important to me than the money. It does take two to make a marrage work and both people can not be selfish. It is a unity of bringing two people together as one. No one ever ask you to loose your idenity but now you can't just think of yourself, you have to think of how it will impact the two of you.

I gave up my passion for cars for a long time to be happy with my family. Now I'm lucky to have both. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same.

[Jeepman1991]

So what if you quit and she still isnt happy?

Then you are out a good job and your wife.

If she wants to leave you for working hard & supporting your family, I would let her go.