My Ex!!!

[07thorobrd]

So me and my ex have a 3 month old together. im 22 and she is 20 but she is soo irresponsible. I found out today that she goes out like 3 or 4 nights a week when she is suppose to be watching our son. witch made me a lil steemed but i also found out that she went out last night after she made a huge deal about me going out like 1 night every other week. all i know is that it must b real freakin nice to get and extra check for $200 every week. i shopped around and discovered that our son only uses at the most $50 worth of stuff a week and the babysitter is $100 a week so that means thats an extra $50 a week that she has. and every time i go over there to get him she always has new clothes or she is going out drinking or she is going to pure romance parties. she needs to be puttin that extra money in the bank for a rainy day or idk maybe for his college. i am so taking her to court for custody.

[1slow5.O]

shes buyin big triumphant veiny bastard dildos with ya money hahaha

no seriously
I would go back to court

[Mista Bone]

my ex is in for a big surprise, my support is over in 4 weeks......guess she'll have to get a job finally.

[nskaats]

Since you live in Ohio, you're pretty much fugged. You're lucky to get off at one $200 a week and she's not milking you while sitting on her ass at home. It happens a lot over there. If you decide to go back to court with it, you better have METICULOUS documentation of your case. I'm not saying follow her around, cause she'll scream "stalker" and slap an EPO on you real fast then you're permanently screwed. Just be sure you have a very strong, very well documented case before you take anything to court. Make her look like an unfit mother that's playing the system and you, and get a very good attorney.

[PaulFiveOh]

Drop a little beg of meth in her purse.....lol

[ponymom05]

I'm not seeing the focus here on the baby, just on what the ex has and is doing. Seems that what she is doing with her time/money is no longer your business. Is there a problem with the well being of the child? If so, maybe you need Child Welfare involved to oversee the case. That would probably give you more legal standing.

Remember, you have to love your child more than you hate the ex.

[cobrajoe]

"Dirty deeds done dirt cheap"

Hey I can be a backdoor man!:lol:

[WHYTRY]

So me and my ex have a 3 month old together. im 22 and she is 20 but she is soo irresponsible. I found out today that she goes out like 3 or 4 nights a week when she is suppose to be watching our son. witch made me a lil steemed but i also found out that she went out last night after she made a huge deal about me going out like 1 night every other week. all i know is that it must b real freakin nice to get and extra check for $200 every week. i shopped around and discovered that our son only uses at the most $50 worth of stuff a week and the babysitter is $100 a week so that means thats an extra $50 a week that she has. and every time i go over there to get him she always has new clothes or she is going out drinking or she is going to pure romance parties. she needs to be puttin that extra money in the bank for a rainy day or idk maybe for his college. i am so taking her to court for custody.

sounds like my x i spend 400 a month for her sorry ass to go out and buy clothes and tan and go drink. o and have who knows baby sit him why she is out and id almost bet she goes and gets him when she is done going to the bars and prolly drives home with him in the car after she has been drinking. child support is a crock of shit. they can take up to 60% of your pay wtf. be the last time i have a kid with some dumb c*nt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pops Fun]

I'm not seeing the focus here on the baby, just on what the ex has and is doing. Seems that what she is doing with her time/money is no longer your business. Is there a problem with the well being of the child? If so, maybe you need Child Welfare involved to oversee the case. That would probably give you more legal standing.

Remember, you have to love your child more than you hate the ex.

I agree!!:agree:

[PaulFiveOh]

I'm not seeing the focus here on the baby, just on what the ex has and is doing. Seems that what she is doing with her time/money is no longer your business. Is there a problem with the well being of the child? If so, maybe you need Child Welfare involved to oversee the case. That would probably give you more legal standing.

Remember, you have to love your child more than you hate the ex.

Very good point and very well spoken. :cool2:

[07thorobrd]

she doesnt focus on him at all its just a bad situation. all i know is that there are alot of people that would testify on my behalf that she isnt fit to raise i child. i mean there is mold in her parents house(where she lives) her dad smokes pot w the baby in the other room and she watches him when she is hungover or drunk. and yet that still may not be enough to get my child. idk how it got started that the mother almost always gets to keep the child bc i know plenty of dads that are better parents than the mother.im just so peeved w the whole situation

[pegasus]

Drop a little beg of meth in her purse.....lol
X2
this is bat county MoFo

maybe hire a PI

[347sc]

Get over what she is spending money on. The court doesnt care. She can spend it on what ever. They will tell you that. I know. THey will tell you that she spends her money on the kid not just support. Car,house/apt,food,childcare, etc She provides for the child when its with her is covered by that reguardless of where it came from ie support or her pocket..
Also you need to not worry about what she does or where she goes and never tell her what you do or where you go, Its none of the others business. Worry about the kid. Thats THE most important thing.

[Waffles]

Okay, there is not likely a more sensitive issue for many people than this. This is why people should think twice about who they decide to knock up/be knocked up by. Remember, whatever the case, you decided to have a baby with this woman. If she goes out every night in the week, it shouldn't matter. There's nothing you can do about how the child support gets spent, so let it go. I think when ponymom said that she wasn't seeing the focus on the child, she meant YOURS, not hers. You mention that she is "supposed to be" home watching your child, yet there is, I'm sure, no court order saying it must be her personally. This is all new to you, so I'm sure there are 1000 things driving you nuts, but you need to evaluate the situation and choose your battles.

Choose your battles, and fight smart. Instead worrying about when she's out instead of taking care of your kid (because that just sounds like you're trying to control her), try to make arrangements for you to have your child during those times. This is called a First Right of Refusal. Essentially, she's going to USE you for a babysitter, and you shouldn't care because you get time with your child. Moms who spend child support on other things suck, but there is nothing you can do about it. The law says it's none of your business. It's an injustice, but if you are wisely choosing your battles you'll just leave this one alone. You're FAR outgunned by women's groups like NOW, ACES, and the lines of Geraldine Jensen. In the courts eyes, a mother is not "unfit" unless she's totally cracked out of her head and the baby is starving and laying in it's own shit for days at a time. It'd very tough. Even then, the father is usually only awarded temporary custody until the mother can be rehabilitated.

Filing for custody is not an easy battle, especially if you weren't married. While formally the Tender Years Doctrine (said that children under 12 needed to be with mom unless she was truly unfit) has been done away with, it's still the mindset of many people, including judges. Now, there's the "Best Interests of the Child" crap. I say "crap" because what the best interests of the child are, is not clearly defined. If a judge feels that the Tender Years Doctrine is in the best interests of the child, and most do, they'll use it without calling it that. You simply have the wrong equipment for having custody. It's not impossible, but it's a long uphill battle that requires persistance, patience, money, and lots and lots of focus on the right things.

This issue, when people realize how things are, always should become two sided. First, should be how to best achieve what's best for your child under the current system. That should be your priority. Second, should be how to change the system. But never let the second interfere with the first. That turns your child into a pawn.

We have meetings if you're interested, drop me a PM.


she doesnt focus on him at all its just a bad situation. all i know is that there are alot of people that would testify on my behalf that she isnt fit to raise i child.

Oh, these people need to be social workers, psychologists, or someone official. They have to be "expert" witnesses capable of making that determination in the courts eyes.

If you're really serious about this, you could file a motion with the court for a custodial evaluation. The court will appoint social services to do it, but that's just a bad idea, a really bad idea. (I actually have recordings of these people talking about teaching men a lesson, and knowing "how to deal" with men that try to get custody from moms.) There are psychologists offices who perform custodial evaluations. They interview moms, dads, friends, neighbors... they are very thorough. In the end they make a recommendation that the judge nearly ALAWAYS accepts. It's very expensive, expect to pay $5000-8000 for the service. Also, make sure your own nose is clean before you do this. They'll dig up everything there is on you as well.

[Jaylynn]

This is why people should think twice about who they decide to knock up/be knocked up by........

too late but good advice.....

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

My ex is an alcoholic. I had to sit back and watch her take cock from any guy she could find after we split up. Finally it got to the point where she got into AA and now my son is with me and she KNOWS better than to screw with me. I have so much dirt on her that she could lose everything including visitation if she took me to court. We work pretty good together though, she sees him whenever she wants (or doesn't) and comes and goes with him as she pleases. That's the most you can hope for. It happens to EVERY girl who has a baby this young...they're not ready to leave their youth behind to be a mother.

[Mista Bone]

As much crap as was talked about Tim @ BASZ over the years, he did "man up" and take his kids back and raising them himself. GAve up alot of the car stuff, working for his dad, barely getting by, but doing the right thing.

He's still a cocky bastard, but he's doing the right thing.

[theyallslow]

good luck bud.

[Waffles]

too late but good advice.....

Not too late for some of those reading... ;)

[Jeepman1991]

Buy some condoms.

[Ryan218]

Buy some condoms.

beat me to it! :bigthumb

[YouGotJunk]

Does she have a sister or best friend??? If so..GSIIHB!!!!!!!!!!

[coleyounger3]

i feel your pain. i pay 1,200 month for 2 kids 4 and 6. and i get them every weekend. so she can go out. its only money and i get to see my kids every week so it works for me.

[85_SS_302_Coupe]

beat me to it! :bigthumb

Hey Ryan, you're the young one of the bunch here....TAKE NOTES and wear a rain coat :lol:

Kids are awesome but there's a time and a place and it's sometime and somewhere after you're 25 and have been through college.

[Waffles]

...wear a rain coat :lol:


lol.. my ex-father-in-law used to call it "putting a headgasket on the hotrod" :lol:

[BIGHONKEY]

beat me to it! :bigthumb

Just remember kids, a girl's face can't get pregnant.

[RIXXX93GT]

From personal experience, try and concentrate on the child. You will go bonkers trying to figure out or reason with your ex. Its waisted energy. Try to be the best Dad you can to your child, eventually they will see for themselves who has been there for them. Another piece of advice, it does no good to bad mouth or try and talk down about the ex to your children, its not their problem and it doesnt do any good. Make sure they know right from wrong not what mommys doing wrong but simply right from wrong. Lead by example they will figure the rest out as they get older.

[NXcoupe]

Rick speaks wisely. I wear the white hat and be the best Dad I can. I eat a mile of crap and never talk bad about my ex when I have my daughter. I am pretty lucky that my ex seems to take good care of my little one. I think that shared parenting, with equal time should be the standard, and neither parent having more time than the other. this is what is best for the child imho. Rick is right, do the right thing, be the best dad, and the child will see this and appreciate it. Let go of the ex. You split for a reason, now enjoy your time with your child.

[rogers]

shared parenting should be standard, and the lack of ability to earn income shouldn't award anyone the right to collect a free pay check, children made equally and shared equally that would be the right thing for the government to do but then again where would the income for the welfare dept. come from you know they tax you too just to give the money to the other parent wtf???!!! but thats just my .02 best of luck a few of us have been there hang in there children eventually see good and bad it's in our nature they'll see and make their own decisions soon enough they grow up way too fast.

[Waffles]

There are actually extremely good arguments for why child support is unconstitutional. It certainly doesn't meet the requirements of equal protection.

[Mista Bone]

I explained to my son the bad crap his mom did, once he was of age to understand, about 14. Then I found out some really juicy stuff on her, from him.

She's the tramp, my son is living on his own since July. He was getting $50 of they $111 a week to help pay the lot rent, in the next month the whole weight will be on his shoulders when my support ends.

He'll do just fine.

PS: Yeah, I'm quite proud of him.

[Waffles]

Personally, I don't think it's ever okay to discuss it... unless it's a defense against something the other parent has said. Even then, I think you have to be really careful with it. Parental Alienation Syndome is very real, and it's an abuse of the child, not the parent.

[MsBlkramair]

My daughter was 4 when me and her dad divorced. She is 11 now. I have never bad mouthed him, and vice versa. We have been very good about not screwing her up. We have shared parentling, so there was never a child support issue. I pay for everything when she is with me, he pays for everything when she is with him. If medical or dental bills starte to get big, we split them all. We split all sports fees, etc. If eithe rof us go out of town, we call each other first to see if if she can stay with the other parent. It has been very nice, since all the bad divorces and parenting issues I have heard from a lot of people.

Good luck.

[Waffles]

Brenda, you guys rock! I almost never hear stuff like this, that's awesome! :)

[Mista Bone]

I got my son almost every weekend, I just wanted to be around him.

The part that really upsets me most of all, I did nothing wrong. I worked hard, provided more than enough, life would be great right "if" we could have stayed together.

To hell with her, I'm better off without her :)

[Gearhead559]

its based on your income. i pay 300 a month. but then thats on $9. a hour on 40 hour week

guess the boss forgot to put a 1 infront of the 9 and they never asked how many hours i turn not show for ..lol

[Jeepman1991]

Wow alot of Stangerz are paying child support. I'm sure that cuts into the mod department.

IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER!

[Waffles]

Hell, I wish I'd built a room on the back of the house for her and her boyfriends. That would have been cheaper.

[Mista Bone]

Hell, I wish I'd built a room on the back of the house for her and her boyfriends. That would have been cheaper.

The time I would have got to spend with my son, I would have traded it and let her be the slut she is. I would have taken the extra room and let her have the rest, just to have more time with my son.

[StangGirlRN]

I'm really worried about your child. Working in a pediatric ER, I've seen some bad things happen to children because the parents were drunk, stoned, or hung over. That's not an environment fit for a child and you need to take steps to remove him from the environment. I would call 241-KIDS and find out the best way to proceed. Meanwhile, document everything on a calendar, including if he comes to you smelling like pot, or is dirty, has bruises, etc. You can also document the times she goes out when she has your son. Social services can do a home environment visit, which may or may not help. Keep in mind that parents are allowed to go out from time to time as long as they have a competent babysitter. My court documents from my divorce say that either parent has the first opportunity to watch/babysit the kids when the other needs coverage, so maybe you can get her to let you do that, (and document when you do!)

The amount of money your ex receives from you is, sadly, hers to do with as she wishes. It probably includes expenses that you didn't think of, such as water, electric, rent, etc. Your ex is lucky, I only get $200 a month total for 4 kids, and that doesn't even touch the expenses that they have. I wish you and your son the best, you've just started a lifetime journey of dealing with your ex.

[Holly]

Personally, I don't think it's ever okay to discuss it... unless it's a defense against something the other parent has said. Even then, I think you have to be really careful with it. Parental Alienation Syndome is very real, and it's an abuse of the child, not the parent.

:agree:

The kid will figure it all out on their own, someday. ;)

[Waffles]

I would call 241-KIDS and find out the best way to proceed.

241-KIDS is the gastapo. They opperate on a guilty until proven innocent basis. They aren't even subject to judicial review. There are some serious problems with the way this organization operates.

Some suggestions if you do call, MAKE IT ANONYMOUS. Do not say you are the father, and better yet... have a woman call for you. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have very good reasons for saying this.



The amount of money your ex receives from you is, sadly, hers to do with as she wishes. It probably includes expenses that you didn't think of, such as water, electric, rent, etc. Your ex is lucky, I only get $200 a month total for 4 kids, and that doesn't even touch the expenses that they have. I wish you and your son the best, you've just started a lifetime journey of dealing with your ex.

There are several sides to this in principle, which I try to disconnect from any individual situation. The best course is, pay your support because you have to anyway and focus your energy on positive things. However, this doesn't make child support right in principle.

Do I believe parents should support their children? Of course. However, there are several things I disagree with. First, has already been mentioned... the fact that the custodial parent and spend the money however they like. But, let's talk about those things generally considered legitimate, rent, expenses etc. A non-custodial parent has direct expenses also. Even if you only have your child four nights a month, you still must have a bedroom, furniture, clothes etc. None of this direct support is considered in the calculations.

Also, if anyone has seen the actually child support worksheets they might see that BOTH parents have a financial responsibility. However, only the non-custodial parents support is enforced and even criminalized. I recently spoke to a woman who was receiving over $1500 a month for two children. She was proud that she made more income than her ex so she was able to spend the entire $1500 only on the kids (which she should have been doing anyway). She was, however, spending nothing on the kids herself. According to the worksheet, she was obligated to spend $2000 each month on them herself, in addition to his $1500. She was astounded, and didn't even understand the idea that she should be doing some of the support herself.

Child support is an industry. Ohio receives something like 23 cents for every dollar it collects in child support. That's from the Federal Gov't, in addition to the fees it collects from the payees. Child support is used for negotiations and for a weapon. People need to make it about caring for their kids, and not about leverage. Incidently, I also dispise the dads that show up at a meeting and only complain about child support and focus on ways to pay less. We spoke at another group once, and of the 300 or so dads present, none of them were interested in seeing their kids more or having more and better rights, they were all there to work out child support deals. Focus on the kids, the rest of this stuff is secondary.

[07thorobrd]

well thanks for all the advice it helped to releive some of the stress.but i have to un its time for my sons bath.

[Ryan218]

Hey Ryan, you're the young one of the bunch here....TAKE NOTES and wear a rain coat :lol:

Kids are awesome but there's a time and a place and it's sometime and somewhere after you're 25 and have been through college.

I dont want any kids for a veryyyyyyyyyyyy longggggggggg time.

[Mista Bone]

Along with the 23 cents from the feds, 2% poundage fees, My bank charges me $2.25 per WEEK to withdrawl and transer the funds to the bank that handles the CSEA dispursements.

Wait, my bank IS the bank that handles the money!

BASTARDS!!!!!!!!

I know one thing, the first week I'm over child support I'm treating myself to a nice dinner somewhere.

[bcoh5gt]

Unless you can prove she's shooting herion while holding your child in a crack house. You are S.O.L. Good luck with the custody battle, save your money and just keep being the best father you can. The system is FUCKED!!!!!!!

[DeckerEnt]

I dont want any kids for a veryyyyyyyyyyyy longggggggggg time.

Learn to wrap that rascel and pull. Just to be safe. LOL
Keith

[07thorobrd]

since the begining of this post my ex and i have had a long talk and things are getting better. im still paying the $200 a week and things are tight but ill make it work for the benefit of my son. she also just received the hospital bills and i agreed that i would help her pay half of that. but i also told her that i want to be the first person she calls if or when she needs a babysitter and i get to see my son every day even if it is just for a few hours i still get to see him and thats what makes it all worth while. thanks again to all of you for listening to me complain. it helped a lot.
thanks again
tim

[e5shea]

So me and my ex have a 3 month old together. im 22 and she is 20 but she is soo irresponsible. I found out today that she goes out like 3 or 4 nights a week when she is suppose to be watching our son. witch made me a lil steemed but i also found out that she went out last night after she made a huge deal about me going out like 1 night every other week. all i know is that it must b real freakin nice to get and extra check for $200 every week. i shopped around and discovered that our son only uses at the most $50 worth of stuff a week and the babysitter is $100 a week so that means thats an extra $50 a week that she has. and every time i go over there to get him she always has new clothes or she is going out drinking or she is going to pure romance parties. she needs to be puttin that extra money in the bank for a rainy day or idk maybe for his college. i am so taking her to court for custody.

You live in Ohio. That means even if the State had solid evidence that she smoked cracked, was unemployed, and smoke more crack; she is a better parent than you could ever be....even if you won the lottery.

[Mista Bone]

I just checked, I owe $413.61 in back support now. Figure 4 more weeks and then I'm free :)

Also means in 4 weeks my son and his GF are totally on their own. They will be fine!

When they decide to get a bigger place, I'll move into there old trailer which my EX once lived in, but my mom payed for so my son would have his own space/bedroom.

[MrsAPE]

$200 a week?! Just floored on that. I get a whole $44 dollars for one. But, we get along. Never played each other off the other. Etc. He's not perfect but than neither am I. All that concerned me was that my child was healthy and happy.
Glad you got things worked out. Always make him the most important.

[BIGRED Z]

My parents divorced when I was 5. I listened to my mom badmouthing my dad for all my childhood. It isn't till the child is much older, but they realize eventually who was doing what and slandering the other.

What stands out now as an adult is that my Dad NEVER said a bad thing about my Mom and even when we would complain about her he would stop us and say, "Hey, that's your mother and you'll respect her as such." You'll never realize how important this is because my Mom did horrible things to Dad and used us to hurt him every chance she got and he still took the higher road.

Common case of a scorned woman who unfortunately hated him more than she loved us. Ladies, don't do this to your kids. They'll remember it later. Not cool.

[Mista Bone]

Yep, my son tolerates his mom, but is bitter towards her.

Esp. now that he is on his own and she is on he third marriage.

She really screwed him over on this years taxes. She claimed him for the year, so he'd lost out on $1200 of his return ALONG with the $600 stimulis check of his that will goto her.

[12seclx]

My parents divorced when I was 5. I listened to my mom badmouthing my dad for all my childhood. It isn't till the child is much older, but they realize eventually who was doing what and slandering the other.

What stands out now as an adult is that my Dad NEVER said a bad thing about my Mom and even when we would complain about her he would stop us and say, "Hey, that's your mother and you'll respect her as such." You'll never realize how important this is because my Mom did horrible things to Dad and used us to hurt him every chance she got and he still took the higher road.

Common case of a scorned woman who unfortunately hated him more than she loved us. Ladies, don't do this to your kids. They'll remember it later. Not cool.

Wow, that sounds like my story when I was 7 years old. It's amazing what kids remember... I still remember sh*t to this day... (20 yrs. later) and it makes me bitter towards my mom... I've heard that 0-7 are the most informative years of a childs life... and that's so true....

I try to forget about the sh*t and move on because I feel that she wrongly/negatively controlled my life back then to a certain extent and I'll be damned if I'll let it happen now and I'm in control...