mach_u
02-21-2008, 08:02 AM
In light of Mr. Matt's new celebrity status, I figured I would see how he stacks up to "Chuck Norris facts" - you decide... :D
# Guns don't kill people. Mad Matt Johnson kills People.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Mad Matt Johnson allows to live.
# Mad Matt Johnson does not sleep. He waits.
# Mad Matt Johnson has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
# The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Mad Matt Johnson 3. Cancer.
# Mad Matt Johnson drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# Mad Matt Johnson is my Homeboy.
# Mad Matt Johnson doesn't go hunting.... Mad Matt Johnson GOES KILLING.
# Mad Matt Johnson uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
# Crop circles are Mad Matt Johnson way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
# Mad Matt Johnson is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Mad Matt Johnson out. It failed miserably.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Mad Matt Johnson has 72... and they're all poisonous.
# When Mad Matt Johnson sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Mad Matt Johnson has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# Mad Matt Johnson invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# Mad Matt Johnson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# Mad Matt Johnson once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
# Mad Matt Johnson is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Mad Matt Johnson as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Mad Matt Johnson doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mad Matt Johnson and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Mad Matt Johnson will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# If you spell Mad Matt Johnson in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Mad Matt Johnson played in second grade.
# Mad Matt Johnson once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
# Mad Matt Johnson once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Mad Matt Johnson re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
# Guns don't kill people. Mad Matt Johnson kills People.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Mad Matt Johnson allows to live.
# Mad Matt Johnson does not sleep. He waits.
# Mad Matt Johnson has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
# The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Mad Matt Johnson 3. Cancer.
# Mad Matt Johnson drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# Mad Matt Johnson is my Homeboy.
# Mad Matt Johnson doesn't go hunting.... Mad Matt Johnson GOES KILLING.
# Mad Matt Johnson uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
# Crop circles are Mad Matt Johnson way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
# Mad Matt Johnson is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Mad Matt Johnson out. It failed miserably.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Mad Matt Johnson has 72... and they're all poisonous.
# When Mad Matt Johnson sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Mad Matt Johnson has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# Mad Matt Johnson invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# Mad Matt Johnson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# Mad Matt Johnson once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
# Mad Matt Johnson is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Mad Matt Johnson as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Mad Matt Johnson doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mad Matt Johnson and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Mad Matt Johnson will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# If you spell Mad Matt Johnson in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Mad Matt Johnson played in second grade.
# Mad Matt Johnson once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
# Mad Matt Johnson once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Mad Matt Johnson re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.