Raccoons!!!!

[DeckerEnt]

I hate them. I remember a popular thread that involved brake cleaner. Laughed my ass off with that one. Well, around the first part of November, we found out that we had raccoons in the ceiling of my shop. I didn't think it was that big of a deal so We ignored it. Well, the first ceiling tile fell and it was on. We called Critter Control and they came out and set traps. Over the next month and a half, we got 3 of the little bastards and they got carted off and set free somewhere far far away. Before the last one got trapped, no less than 12 ceiling tiles have fallen. The problem is that there is the old ceiling material that was weighing down the drop ceiling tiles and that made them fall. So tonight I am down here at the shop cleaning stuff and decided to try to repair the tiles that fell over the bathroom entrance. All I did was move the framing and the next tile fell. It was full of the material from the old ceiling and everything I just cleaned, the washer, dryer, floor around the bath, the bath, everything now has a 2 inch coating of this stuff on it. I am so pissed right now, if I saw a raccoon right now I would strangle it with my bare hands then blow it's head off right in front of it's mom and dad if I could. I now hate these things.
Long rant I know but I am pissed right now and this is the rant section.
Keith

[Mista Bone]

Keith, the is nothing funnier than Vinny's rant about the coons and........

B - R - A - K - E Cleaner.

CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Holly]

Keith, the is nothing funnier than Vinny's rant about the coons and........



We had a bad problem with raccoons and possums there for awhile. The possum was the one he tortured, caught the poor bastard on fire and he still walked away. They would get on our porch and "fall" into the garbage cans and not be able to get out. Scared the crap out of me a few times, I would go to throw a garbage bag in there and have one of those weasly eyed possums looking up at me.

We had both of them living under our porch for awhile too, Vinny was always piling rocks up around the holes (from where the Flood of 97 came up and washed the dirt away). I got all that filled in this summer, took care of that problem! Now everytime I look out in the (back) yard, I see deer! They graze in my backyard.

[95redstang]

If you want to be cruel about it crush up a lightbulb. THen mix it in with a can of tuna..:eek:
You can also go to a pet store and get some coyote piss..Spray it around the perimeter of the property...

[TARDY]

This was classic Vinny.....I miss him

The racoon story.
Me vs the Racoons
Just some spewing a did a little while back that I thought I'd share......

Little bastards.

I used to think they were all cute. Fuzzy little bandits waddling around doing cute little racoon things. Yeah, they're bandits alright. Garbage bandits. I can't count how many times I've gone out the front door to find my garbage spread all over the driveway and in the yard.

They are pretty smart for being the little bastards they are. They figured out how to get the lid off the garbage can. They use the cinder blocks next to the cans as a stairway to the buffet. I watched them tonight. Here I am on another sleepless evening surfing the boards, cathing up on things and just as I'm headed to bed, I hear them. That distinctive Rubbermaid ruckus.

"Hey Chico, I got the lid off."
"Oh yeah? What's the catch of the day?"
"Looks like empty cat food cans, some hamburger helper and diet coke."
"Well hook a coon up, brother!"
"Here, try some of this. Not sure what it is. You'll have to gnaw all the paper off."
"Aw man, moldy bread again?"
"Well then you climb your furry ass up here and have a look!"
"As soon as Guido gets outta there I will....Hurry up Guido!"
"Give me a minute, looks like I found a tuna can with some traces left in it."

Meanwhile, Ricardo is bumbling around sniffing thru the already dispensed napkins and assorted garbage in the driveway.

"SHHH! You hear that?"
"What's that guy doing with an aluminum bat?"
"And what's he doing on the porch in his boxer shorts?"
"RUN!"
"Guido, get outta the can NOW!"

As he attempts to climb out of the can WHACK! It's like that carnival game whack-a-mole. He escapes unscathed and scuttles over to regroup with his compadres.

"Damn man, that was close.....you alright?"
"Yeah. I'm okay. I might have to head over to the neighbors and see if they have any Advil in their can."
"Hey you guys, I'm still hungry."
"Are you actually going to go back?"
"I think it's safe. I don't see that crazy a$$hole."
"I dunno Ricardo, that door is cracked open."
"But I think I smelled bacon. I'll just go grab it and be right back"

He cautiously makes his way to the 33 gallon green sanctum of grub. After a short pause and a careful survey of the surroundings he climbs the cinder blocks and tumbles over the edge of the can to finish his pilfering.

"Where's that damn bacon? I know I smell it."
The door slowly creeks but the bandit is busy with his mission.
"Oh ****....there he is. He's looking right at me. Jesus that bat is huge"
"If I just sit here real still he can't see me."
"OW! Quit poking me buddy!"
"Forget this! I'm outta here.....damn these slick walls, I can't get a grip!"
DONK!
"AW DAMN! S**t that hurt!"

He hurries back to once again regroup with his companions.

"Did you get the bacon?"
"No, but I got a knot on the head"
"Damn Ricardo...I tried to warn you"
"I know but I think I smelled some cheese while I was in there."
"CHEESE! DID YOU SAY CHEESE!"
"Oh no Chico......don't do it man."
"Come on, you know I have a weakness for cheese!"
"You're crazy man, crazier than that old bastard in his underwear with the bat."
"I gotta have it. I'm going in. That Sammy-Sosa-wanna-be ain't got nuttin"
"But, but.....wait.......don't......."

It was too late. Chico's all-consuming passion with cheese had blurred his thinking. There was no earthly item that could compare to the taste of semi-rotted cheese and he knew it was worth taking the risk. At least he believed that for a moment.

"I hope it was American cheese. That Swiss sure gives me the sh*ts."
"That was awfully nice of him to leave these cinder blocks right next to the buffet bin"
"Cheese, cheese, cheese.........where's the cheese."
"Uh-oh. Here he comes again.......gotta get out.........umph, ugh...damn it"
DONK!
"Fuggin Aye!"
"Sheezuz, forget that. I'll just sit in here until he goes away."
"What the hell is that? That sure is a little bat compared to the other one"
"B"
"R"
"A"
"K"
"E"
"Brake Cleaner?"
"Hmm, sure is awfully late to be out cleaning brakes, pal"
"HEY! QUIT POKING ME DAMMIT!"
"Listen buddy you better......."
PSSSSSSST
"Aw! I'm blind! AAAGHHH! It burns! It burns!"
"Stupid cheese"
"I gotta get out of here"
Donk!
"OWWW!"
"Damn you!"
PSSSSST
"AAAGHHH! It burns and stinks! DAMMIT!"
PSSSST
"YOU FUGGER!"
PSSSST

At that point he mad a mad dash out of the can and into the cover of darkness. I almost felt bad for doing it until I thought about how I'll be out there tomorrow once again picking up garbage. I gave the shredded remains of any garbage left in the can a good soaking of brake cleaner thinking that if they decided to come back later, one whiff of that tainted mess and they would recall that crazy bastard in his boxers with the aluminum bat. It's my own little Pavlov experiment.

At least they walked away............this time.

[Mista Bone]

thanks for that repost, I'd lost the .txt file.

[DeckerEnt]

Thanks Tardy...Brought a tear to my eye for both reasons.
Keith

[Xowner]

LMAO thats funny stuff right there!!!

[MrsAPE]

Classic. Still laughed as hard.
Never be another Vinny.

[Holly]

thanks for that repost, I'd lost the .txt file.

All you have to do is ask. I have all these "stories" Vinny wrote on a CD, along with lots and lots of video coverage of different stuff (parties at our house, numerous members trips down the track, Vinny's crazy stuff he did!), one of us was always videotaping. What I don't know how to do is copy these 8 mm tapes onto a DVD. If anybody can point me in the right direction of HOW to put them on a DVD, I'd be happy to do it. I think I need to buy some equipment to do this from Best Buy though (not sure what it is but I know Jason mentioned something I need to buy). I'll do that with my income tax money if need be, I have lots of (Vinny) funny stuff to share.

[PaulFiveOh]

.17HMR with a scope = effective for 'coon snipin'

heh heh

[DeckerEnt]

I was at a customer's condo last night and there were 3 of them on the back deck. I couldn't believe that the customer was actually feeding them. Cookies. I thought of a CB .22. Sounds like a pellet gun. Oh well.
Keith