ATimpe
06-27-2007, 08:40 PM
Oil change instructions for women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when milleage reaches 3000 miles since last oil change
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil change instructions for men
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a sented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3)Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack up car. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under car.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use cresent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process. Swear.
12) Crawl out from under car wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) have another beer while wathching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes loking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up: crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid enviromental fees. Drink beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minnor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knucles on frame removing any excess skin between knucles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from kack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over : arrested for DUI.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total 4,145.00
( But you know the job was done right!!!)
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when milleage reaches 3000 miles since last oil change
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil change instructions for men
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a sented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3)Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack up car. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under car.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use cresent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process. Swear.
12) Crawl out from under car wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) have another beer while wathching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes loking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up: crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid enviromental fees. Drink beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minnor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knucles on frame removing any excess skin between knucles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from kack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over : arrested for DUI.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total 4,145.00
( But you know the job was done right!!!)