TZ250
03-23-2007, 06:20 PM
I'll start:
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brownbag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Signed, The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
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Blonde's Year in Review:
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. "duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
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Blonde on an Airplane
THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN
A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND
MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS
DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS
AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID
FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL
HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M
STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE
COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE
CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING
IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY
AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE
AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE
ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE
TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T
LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A
BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED
TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND
WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS,
"OH,I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND
GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT
ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT
HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING
TO HOUSTON ."
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brownbag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Signed, The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde's Year in Review:
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. "duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde on an Airplane
THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN
A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND
MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS
DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS
AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID
FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL
HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M
STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE
COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE
CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING
IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY
AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE
AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE
ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE
TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M
BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE
WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T
LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A
BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED
TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND
WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS,
"OH,I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND
GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT
ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT
HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING
TO HOUSTON ."