dedpedal
03-22-2007, 07:53 PM
why I dont have any salad dressing in the fridge.
Well, this all started last thursday. I was off work and decided to do something nice for Lil Miss Amy, the love of my life. She was still sleeping and I thought that breakfast in bed would be a nice thing to do. I headed out to the nearest store (Walmart) to get the fixins for a nice breakfast. I need to point out that I was quite hungover and my mouth was so dry that I thought that a dessert rabbit had crapped in my mouth. First thing on the adjenda is to quench my thirst. I stopped at the vending machines and perused the merchandise.Ahhhhh Powerade. I almost went for the Dew, but I know it doesnt help. I chugged the whole thing right there in front of the machine with people passing by. It would have made a great commercial if I had been running and dressed in the appropriate running clothes. Nope, just me, hung over and wishing I hadnt started this trek for breakfast vittles. I figured I was halfway there so I might as well finnish my quest. I could have cheaped out and bought flowers, went home and went back to bed, but I didnt. Yea, Im THAT kinda guy.
So, while shopping for eggs, sausage and biscuits and gravy, I noticed that I had mysteriously landed in the pasta isle. HMMMM Lazagna sounds pretty tasty right about now, so I load up on provisions for a meal fit for Bella Lugosi. No time to harass the Mexicans today so back to the house post haste.
I cooked up some breakfast and served Amy hers on the couch since she had woken while I was gone. Things went bad at this point. The sausage had a funny color, the eggs tasted like the skillet and the biscuit gravy tasted of the can it came in. After this fiasco, cooking dinner was out of the question. I waited till monday to make the Lazagna. Normaly, I like a salad with my meal, but we were out of letuce so no salad. I had remembered to buy a bottle of French dressing, but forgot the leaf. Oh well, I figure I can get some premade salad the next day and have it with leftovers. It took till today to remember so I stopped on my way home and got a small premixed salad. Home at last and put a mansized chunk of lazagna ( I like the way I spell that BTW) It just rolls off the tongue. Next time I fake a European language during sex, Ill use that word. But I digress. Back to the story at hand. I pop the food in the microwave and set out the lettuce to make a salad. About the time the buzzer goes off, I realize that no matter how long I look at the hole on the fridge door the salad dressing isnt going to magicly appear. Theres an empty bottle in the trash along with a large (even for me and Amy) collection of empty beer containers. I started to piece the nite before back together and got this foggy image in my mind of the two of us in bed and me teasing her that I would lick the dressing off her body. Now, the jury is still out on what actualy happened with the bottle of dressing, but Im leaning towards the version where she got up early and poured it out hoping that I wouldnt really do it, but if there wasnt any in the house, that I sure couldnt.
Im keeping that thought strongly in my mind as I eat my salad. I never knew that applesauce would taste so good on a salad. Dont knock it till you try it, but I hope its choice instead of neccessity.
Keep your dipstick covered with oil, were all in this together.
Well, this all started last thursday. I was off work and decided to do something nice for Lil Miss Amy, the love of my life. She was still sleeping and I thought that breakfast in bed would be a nice thing to do. I headed out to the nearest store (Walmart) to get the fixins for a nice breakfast. I need to point out that I was quite hungover and my mouth was so dry that I thought that a dessert rabbit had crapped in my mouth. First thing on the adjenda is to quench my thirst. I stopped at the vending machines and perused the merchandise.Ahhhhh Powerade. I almost went for the Dew, but I know it doesnt help. I chugged the whole thing right there in front of the machine with people passing by. It would have made a great commercial if I had been running and dressed in the appropriate running clothes. Nope, just me, hung over and wishing I hadnt started this trek for breakfast vittles. I figured I was halfway there so I might as well finnish my quest. I could have cheaped out and bought flowers, went home and went back to bed, but I didnt. Yea, Im THAT kinda guy.
So, while shopping for eggs, sausage and biscuits and gravy, I noticed that I had mysteriously landed in the pasta isle. HMMMM Lazagna sounds pretty tasty right about now, so I load up on provisions for a meal fit for Bella Lugosi. No time to harass the Mexicans today so back to the house post haste.
I cooked up some breakfast and served Amy hers on the couch since she had woken while I was gone. Things went bad at this point. The sausage had a funny color, the eggs tasted like the skillet and the biscuit gravy tasted of the can it came in. After this fiasco, cooking dinner was out of the question. I waited till monday to make the Lazagna. Normaly, I like a salad with my meal, but we were out of letuce so no salad. I had remembered to buy a bottle of French dressing, but forgot the leaf. Oh well, I figure I can get some premade salad the next day and have it with leftovers. It took till today to remember so I stopped on my way home and got a small premixed salad. Home at last and put a mansized chunk of lazagna ( I like the way I spell that BTW) It just rolls off the tongue. Next time I fake a European language during sex, Ill use that word. But I digress. Back to the story at hand. I pop the food in the microwave and set out the lettuce to make a salad. About the time the buzzer goes off, I realize that no matter how long I look at the hole on the fridge door the salad dressing isnt going to magicly appear. Theres an empty bottle in the trash along with a large (even for me and Amy) collection of empty beer containers. I started to piece the nite before back together and got this foggy image in my mind of the two of us in bed and me teasing her that I would lick the dressing off her body. Now, the jury is still out on what actualy happened with the bottle of dressing, but Im leaning towards the version where she got up early and poured it out hoping that I wouldnt really do it, but if there wasnt any in the house, that I sure couldnt.
Im keeping that thought strongly in my mind as I eat my salad. I never knew that applesauce would taste so good on a salad. Dont knock it till you try it, but I hope its choice instead of neccessity.
Keep your dipstick covered with oil, were all in this together.