Black Horse
02-23-2007, 03:55 PM
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six
months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Flannigan, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and
whispers,"What'd you get?" "Five more good leads."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he
asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
accident down at the Guiness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me ..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.
I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness,
Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he
at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no."
"No?" she asked.
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday
morning service......and she's in tears.
He says, "So - what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband
passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
She says, "Aye, That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick
bragged to Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in this
town, except of course, me mother and me sister."
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin'
meself lately!"
Tis a good thing, too - that was a nasty habit you had!"
responded McMaken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,
"where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few
to drink this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back,
your wife
fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."
months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Flannigan, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and
whispers,"What'd you get?" "Five more good leads."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he
asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an
accident down at the Guiness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me ..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.
I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness,
Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he
at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no."
"No?" she asked.
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday
morning service......and she's in tears.
He says, "So - what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband
passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
She says, "Aye, That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick
bragged to Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in this
town, except of course, me mother and me sister."
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin'
meself lately!"
Tis a good thing, too - that was a nasty habit you had!"
responded McMaken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,
"where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few
to drink this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back,
your wife
fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."