Mother#%!*$ Low Fat Pringles

[Kwik92GT]

I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat. Fuck it, who am I kidding, I am fat. So, anyway, I needed something to satisfy my chips need and not add more to my girth.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

(except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope)

…is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.

So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not laundry or dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I was home alone, so sweet! I let the honk loose and its wrong. I mean, something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself!! But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So....

....I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. Truly NASTY.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards. :flipoff:

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards. :flipoff:

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from, its real.

Fuck Pringles :flipoff: :flipoff: :HYF:

[untamed]

Your not even right. Thats some funny SHIT!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

[plated]

puck fringles,go wash your ass with a toilet brush:lol:

[Maximus]

You and Kevin need to quit hanging around each other. :barf:

:lol:

[beefcake]

omg, i can't quit fukin laughing

[Jeff88coupe]

Haha...ya...Olean is a fat substitue that P&G invented and sold off. It's still made in cincy (ivorydale). If you only eat 1 or 2 servings a day...your ok. But if you chow down 4-5+ sevings in a day...you get mud butt:lol:

[Mr.Moontang]

I don't know what to say.....other than wow that's some funny shit!!!

[Mista Bone]

anal leakage (mud butt!) or be fat.

fat for the win!

[Kwik92GT]

anal leakage (mud butt!) or be fat.

fat for the win!

:fna:

[Black03SVT]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol: :lol:

[Black Horse]

That cracked me right up! You are just are not right!

[beefcake]

dude, i've got people falling outta their chairs at work

[95redstang]

I like potato chips, and can’t eat them very much or I’ll get fat. Fuck it, who am I kidding, I am fat. So, anyway, I needed something to satisfy my chips need and not add more to my girth.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you…

(except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope)

…is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I’m not even kidding.

So today, while I’m standing in the living room debating whether or not laundry or dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I was home alone, so sweet! I let the honk loose and its wrong. I mean, something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself!! But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I’m telling you. THAT’s how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I’d gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So....

....I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I’m clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. Truly NASTY.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards. :flipoff:

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards. :flipoff:

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from, its real.

Fuck Pringles :flipoff: :flipoff: :HYF:

I got the heads up about Olean when it first came out..I have a few friends that work at P&G...Check all food labels for that crap...

[vinny5oh]

ah Greg, I had to wipe my eyes after reading that...too damn funny. :lol:

[93hulk]

WOW! That was truely gross. Greg you kill me.:lol:

[SMOKE]

Jesus man! That is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time! :lol:

[Ranger50]

LOL!!!! Almost rivals for the best thread of the year already.......

[mustangboy]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: That story had me in tears. Thank you!! I think you just did Sir Dedpedal proud.

[dedpedal]

Pure genius if I say so myself. Im wondering what today is gonna bring. I had Whiteys for dinner with wings and 4 pitchers of draught beer.

[blueoval4ever]

I didn't laugh out loud till I read the mud butt post...Classic I tell ya.:lol:

[Black Hole]

Haha...ya...Olean is a fat substitue that P&G invented and sold off. It's still made in cincy (ivorydale). If you only eat 1 or 2 servings a day...your ok. But if you chow down 4-5+ sevings in a day...you get mud butt:lol:
Yup.....a supposed "GREAT INVENTION" had to be sold off for a loss of millions....:lol:

[ibstrokin]

You should always keep a tub of baby wipes in the shitter for just such an occasion

[kennebellcobra]

Between the tears and almost falling out of my chair I think my wife thinks I have finally lost it:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Rich]

Thats some "good shit" Greg... Some of the funniest stuff I've ever read!

[Holly]

:tard: Why did I read that? :HYF:

[Mavowar]

:lol: HA HA HA!!!

Great Story but the ending was(drum roll please) Shitty:D

[wild87stang]

Wow thats just not even right , my insides are hurting now from laughing so hard, i guess you can call that a shitty situation!:eek:

[Shortbus]

Best Story EVAR!

[dedpedal]

Read this:The root of all evil (http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1998/ryans.html)

[kennebellcobra]

Read this:The root of all evil (http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1998/ryans.html)

Between the two of these I don't think i will ever be able to take another dump again without laughing:lol:

[ponymom05]

:tard: Why did I read that? :HYF:

+2 :mad:

[ihave1sweetride]

+2 :mad:

+3! :confused:

[PaulFiveOh]

ROFL Thats Great!! Wrong...but great haha!

[ruby71oh]

That was too funny! A great laugh for a Sunday morning. Pampers makes these wipes called kandoos...they're flushable...I suggest a box or two for your bathroom.

[08 Vette]

That was too funny! A great laugh for a Sunday morning. Pampers makes these wipes called kandoos...they're flushable...I suggest a box or two for your bathroom.

I worked on that project!

Tim:D

[dedpedal]

I worked on that project!

Tim:D


Yea, he was the first test dummy for them.

[fastfreddie]

I was laughing so hard my wife asked me what I was laughing at, so I read it to her. By the end we both had tears in our eyes!

[R825OH]

jeez that is a horrible experience glad it wasn't me haahaahaaha....

[08 Vette]

Yea, he was the first test dummy for them. I like thoes Baby wipes, there are very soft, I like rubbing them on my ass, they feel like Kevins lips! :lol:

Tim:flipoff:

[BigBadStang]

Read this:The root of all evil (http://home.tiac.net/~cri/1998/ryans.html)

shame...shame.
plaigerism at its finest!
i thought i seen this before.

Dedpedals ripoff (http://stangbangerz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5104&highlight=ryans+steakhouse)

[dedpedal]

shame...shame.
plaigerism at its finest!
i thought i seen this before.

Dedpedals ripoff (http://stangbangerz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5104&highlight=ryans+steakhouse)


If you read the title, it clearly says that it was the inspiration for me. I didnt claim to have written it.

[BigBadStang]

jfwy...but you didnt go out of your way to say you didnt write it either. :tongue2:

[dedpedal]

That was a repost from the old board. It WAS brought up that time and clearly stated that I didnt write it. I understand plagerism and wont do it. Theft is the base of all things bad.

[BigBadStang]

yep..theft sucks bro!
anyone of us that has stuff stolen agrees wholeheartedly!

[Black Horse]

If you "take" a shit, does that mean you are stealing?

I always just "leave" one for someone else to "take". ;)

[93hulk]

Some buddys and me were talkin about funny posts and this one was our favorite. So for those havent checked it out it funny as hell.:bigthumb

[aperacer]

i cant stop laughing.... my sides hurt...i had not seen this one before..

[Black03SVT]

The best post ever:bigthumb

[dedpedal]

The best post ever:bigthumb

Go back and read the rogain post.

[2-8-1]

I'm literally in tears.

On that note, a friend of mine has paid me to look into the restroom at our local K-Mart. He went in to piss, but what he found was horrifying. He said that no one would believe him if he didn't have a witness to back up his story. So I took his 5.00 and walked in.

I can only explain what I saw as this. "Someone had walked into that bathroom and detonated a shit grenade"

[dedpedal]

[QUOTE=2-8-1;284623]I'm literally in tears.
QUOTE]


You should meet me in person. I tend to spew things that most people would take as offensive.

[beefcake]

i just reread this and had tears in my eyes as bad as i did the first time and could hardly stop laughing

[Silver Bullet]

I hadn't seen this.... FUNNY CRAP!!!:lol:

[93hulk]

Sorry Greg I had to dig up the funniest post ever made on SBZ. For the those who have never read this, I highly recommend it. It still make me laugh so hard I cry.:lol:

[adragon72]

OMg that's funny as he'll I got tears from laughing so hard!!! Thanks

[87stangbbb]

first time ive read it. definitely the funniest thing ever

[Goldenpony]

Try barbeque flavored PopChips. I have only found them around here at Target. Low calories, low fat, taste great. No results that you described.

By the way, that was truly funny stuff! ;)

[Kevin1989]

well i think i pissed my self reading this... is it true?

[mustanger]

By far one of, if not the funniest post I've ever read, that literally had me laughing my ass off...no pun intended.

Well written to :lol::booty::lol:

[draggin50]

Damn that was fukin hilarious! I am now glad I dont watch what I eat and I know to not eat that shit! Thats great!

[holeshot]

Dude, why did you use your hand to wipe your ass in the shower?? haha.

[beefcake]

had tears in my eyes again and could not finish reading the whole thing without stopping

[Johnny O]

:lol:
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o181/rjg030585/dumb.jpg

[skeptiq]

:lol:
http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o181/rjg030585/dumb.jpg

Classic... as I was reading this for the first time today, all I could think about was Ryan's Steakhouse story... both are well written and I can't make it through either without laughing so hard it hurts...

Thanks!

Ben

[beefcake]

Classic... as I was reading this for the first time today, all I could think about was Ryan's Steakhouse story... both are well written and I can't make it through either without laughing so hard it hurts...

Thanks!

Ben

wheres that one?

[Mista Bone]

Healthy Choice Tomato Basil.....works like colon blow.

I don't dare try to pass gas right now.....

[Mista Bone]

wheres that one?

There are two stories.....I have them saved somewhere. Google Ryan's Steakhouse incident and you'll bust a gut laughing.

[Mustard]

Thats the funniest thing I have read in a long time!

[Mista Bone]

Ryan's Steakhouse incident

http://www.stangbangerz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51572&highlight=steakhouse

[skeptiq]

Ryan's Steakhouse incident

http://www.stangbangerz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51572&highlight=steakhouse

Thanks, was just about to look it up! Ryan's Steakhouse is by far one of the most well written stories ever. Everytime I read it my side hurts.

Ben

[Stang88]

I have tears running down my face!! My wife walked into the room wondering what I was reading on the internet that was so funny, we were dying mid-way through..

[beefcake]

was thinkin about this thread again tonight, and i can never read it with a straight face.

i read it to my brother and was crying and had to stop 4 times,, this shit is always funny

[2Kblacksleeper]

I've showed some coworkers this story and they all die laughing.

[Stangman]

I had to bring this one back from the dead for comedy's sake... coworkers were just talking about Olean.... so I thought it was fitting LOL!!

[Rick93coupe]

LMAO, so funny!

[evil8]

Greg's most important contribution to this site.

[Black Horse]

Brings back memories!

[NXcoupe]

Very funny. Saw vinny posted in it. Probably one of his last posts. Hope we can get this place back on track. I miss this kind of shit.

[Rick93coupe]

Bump, we need some humor around here

[draggin50]

Still laugh when I read it!

[redfirepearlgt]

Reminds me of my recent prep process for my first Colonoscopy.

[Kwik92GT]

Reminds me of my recent prep process for my first Colonoscopy.

Funny you say that, I have one this next week, I had planned on bumping this thread for it. :lol:

[chad393na]

Funny you say that, I have one this next week, I had planned on bumping this thread for it. :lol:

Man it sucks getting old, doesnt it?

[redfirepearlgt]

Funny you say that, I have one this next week, I had planned on bumping this thread for it. :lol:

Just wait until you do your prep kit. And make sure they don't gave you the cherry flavored one. It is worse than the procedure.


Man it sucks getting old, doesnt it?

Yes it does suck. Each year seems to go faster than the one before. You'd think that as you begin to physically slow down time would slow down but I am learning that the two are inversely proportional. Of course we aren't hashing about anything every generation before us has discussed. LOL!